Electrics for dummies; (and similar topics)

[Dorsetmike]

Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a car battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of a wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.

[Dorsetmike]

Top 20 Ways Microsoft Would Change The Auto Industry

20. The radio would be computerized, but you'd need to install 64 Meg of RAM, a new sound card, a game card, a new video driver, a CD drive, and type C:\radio\talk\rush*.* to get it to play. 19. The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.
18. The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.
17. You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.
16. Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail?"
15. For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.
14. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake".
13. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year- instead of before it.
12. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
11. The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.
9. We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
8. The U.S. government would be forced to rebuild all of the roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads, but they run very slowly.
7. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single 'General Car Fault' warning light.
6. Sun MotorSystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable and five times as fast, but would run on only 5% of the roads.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car95 or CarNT -- but then you would have to buy ten more seats and a new engine.
3. Occasionally, your car would die for NO apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
3a. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.
2. Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.
1. People would get excited about the new features of the latest Microsoft cars, forgetting that these same features had been available from other car makers for years.

[Krummhorn]

And ... you would have to press "start" to shut it down ...

[teddy]

EEC Directive on power cuts.

In the case of an electrical power failure you must only use candles made in China. These only cost 10p each,but shipping and taxes push this up to 47 pounds each and they are only available in boxes of 27. Because of the rounded bottoms they may only be used in approved holder which meet health and safety regulations. These will be available from April.................2017. Anyone lighting one must go on a government approved Candle Lighting training scheme and any candle lighting must take place under the supervision of a Fire Officer who has first surveyed the property and (a) removed any flammable materials from the premises and (b) installed the relevant number of fire extinguishers.
The fine for breaking these regulations will be life imprisonment.

This is a public disservice announcement

teddy

[teddy]

Mike must know something we don't. In today's paper an article states that new cars can be fitted with a computer that actually talks to you. It will answer direct questions and tell you where the nearest garage is or whether you are there yet. useful if there are young children in the car. The cost of this device will be 350 pounds. Made by Microsoft.

teddy

[Buchpteclare]

It was a standard I always followed when tuning up radio transmitters - or anything electrical - except stoves and ovens. Tune for MINIMUM smoke. It worked every time - I think.

[JHC]

Well my Toaster smokes and it keeps working