Musical jokes

Gareth · Apr-21-2006, 14:55

Who knows some really good musical jokes?

Here is some that I found, check them out!

Why can't skeletons play church music? They don't have any organs!
Where do cantalopes go in the summer? John Cougar Mellon Camp!
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley!!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bassoon recital.
What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
A guitarist was so Baroque, he robbed a music store and ran off with the lute. His percussionist friend took a drum and beat it.
How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb? One, two, three... one, two, three.
What would Mozart be doing if he was alive today? Probably screaming and clawing at the inside of his coffin.
These jokes are so bad, I can't Handel them. The make me Lizstless. They can be too Mendlesohm. You'd better go out Bach and stay in Haydn.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chicken? Because it kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach (from Diana Fredenburg; Falls Church,Virginia, USA)

Add on to this list if you can so we can all have a laugh.

Cheers
Gareth.

Naomi McFadyen · Apr-21-2006, 16:09

Drummer jokes (my main instrument- and I'm a blonde, female, drummer.... surely that's a joke within itself right? ).....

Here's a bunch.... and there's loads more.

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock always slows down.

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car? It took two hours to get the drummer out.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
None. They have a machine to do that.

Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses? So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

giovannimusica · Apr-21-2006, 18:54

What do you call a Drummer without a girlfriend?
Ans: Homeless.

Gareth · Apr-22-2006, 02:12

Those were pretty good, putting down drummers alot.

Naomi McFadyen · Apr-22-2006, 06:08

lol..... yes, but I guess thats what jokes are set out to do... especially for us poor drummers.... I should start a campaigne.... RSPCD: Royal Society of Prevention to Cruelty to Drummers....

Of course, alternatively, I could just get my own back on another instrument.... let's see.....

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.

Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Gareth · Apr-22-2006, 07:16

Ahhh lovely, they were good. Funny how you can bag other instruments out.

giovannimusica · Apr-23-2006, 09:29

There was once a visitor tour group visiting a large Church in Austria. They marveled at the Roccoco Architecture of the exterior and interior of the Church. As they were nearing the altar of the Church, they heard some absolutely glorious music that was being performed. They were amazed that they did not see anyone playing any instruments or singing in the Church, there were no loudspeakers attached to stereo's anywhere in the Church.

Where could the music be coming from. They started looking around the altar even more. They then discovered that the music was emanating from a large and ornate Sarcophagus. They asked the parish priest why all the beautiful music was emanating from the Sarcophagus, to which the priest replied: "Oh thats just Mozart decomposing".

Gareth · Apr-23-2006, 12:58

Funny how Mozart can travel from an unmarked burial spot to a church???

giovannimusica · Apr-23-2006, 18:35

Hey Mate,

Havent you heard about the reliquary containing the bones of Mozart?

Basia · May-26-2006, 12:08

Hey. Felt I had to add on a few more. These are getting good. Poor drummers though. Ow well, here's a few more:

What do you call a group of drummers standing in a circle?
A dope ring.

How can you tell if the drum riser is level?
The drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth.

Why do rock bands have roadies?
To act as interpreters for the drummer.

__________________________________________________ ______________________

What is the difference between a soprano and a rotweiller?
Jewelry!

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
5, 1 to change the bulb and 4 to hold the lead guitarist out of the light.

What is Perfect Pitch?
When you throw a banjo into the dumpster and it lands RIGHT EXACTLY ON TOP of the bagpipe!

How many professional trombone players does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Professional trombone players can't afford light bulbs.

Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones!

How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
dd vibrato!

How do you put a twinkle in a soprano's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear!

Gosh, some are so mean! Lol, but it is a good laugh. Enjoy!

Gareth · May-27-2006, 07:15

These jokes I find critisize a group of musicians for playing what they play. Some of them are really good though, keep them up!

thevibes · Sep-08-2006, 13:34

cool jokes!esp. the drummer ones.. i got a drummer friend who has just been dumped by his gf.. must share these jokes with him.. attempt to make him smile

Krummhorn · Sep-08-2006, 19:41

Wasn't it the late Victor Borge who said something to the effect of "the main difference between the Viola and the Violin is that the Viola burns longer"!

robmcw · Sep-13-2006, 17:43

What do you say to a banjo player in a three piece suit?

'Will the defendant please rise.'

Mat · Oct-19-2007, 19:10

How is lightning like a violist's fingers? Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer? It's usually still in the case.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

How do you get an oboist to play A flat? Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.

What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? Not enough concrete.

What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play accordion but chooses not to.

Apr-21-2006, 14:55	#1 (permalink)
Gareth Commodore of Water Music Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queensland,Australia Posts: 426	Musical jokes Who knows some really good musical jokes? Here is some that I found, check them out! Why can't skeletons play church music? They don't have any organs! Where do cantalopes go in the summer? John Cougar Mellon Camp! What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley!! What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bassoon recital. What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise. A guitarist was so Baroque, he robbed a music store and ran off with the lute. His percussionist friend took a drum and beat it. How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb? One, two, three... one, two, three. What would Mozart be doing if he was alive today? Probably screaming and clawing at the inside of his coffin. These jokes are so bad, I can't Handel them. The make me Lizstless. They can be too Mendlesohm. You'd better go out Bach and stay in Haydn. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chicken? Because it kept saying Bach, Bach, Bach (from Diana Fredenburg; Falls Church,Virginia, USA) Add on to this list if you can so we can all have a laugh. Cheers Gareth. __________________ What Passion Cannot Music Raise and Quell -- John Dryden (1631-1700)

Apr-21-2006, 16:09	#2 (permalink)
Naomi McFadyen Midshipman, Forte Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 27	Drummer jokes (my main instrument- and I'm a blonde, female, drummer.... surely that's a joke within itself right? )..... Here's a bunch.... and there's loads more. Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the drummers. What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? A drummer. What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool. How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock always slows down. How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer. Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car? It took two hours to get the drummer out. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?" Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb). Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. None. They have a machine to do that. Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses? So they don't disgrace themselves in parades. __________________ Naomi R. McFadyen Conductor \| Composer Partner - Devilish Publishing

Apr-22-2006, 06:08	#5 (permalink)
Naomi McFadyen Midshipman, Forte Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 27	lol..... yes, but I guess thats what jokes are set out to do... especially for us poor drummers.... I should start a campaigne.... RSPCD: Royal Society of Prevention to Cruelty to Drummers.... Of course, alternatively, I could just get my own back on another instrument.... let's see..... What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to. Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understand them. How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case. What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is happy when the case is closed. __________________ Naomi R. McFadyen Conductor \| Composer Partner - Devilish Publishing

May-26-2006, 12:08	#10 (permalink)
Basia Midshipman, Forte Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cold Melbourne, Australia Posts: 45	Hey. Felt I had to add on a few more. These are getting good. Poor drummers though. Ow well, here's a few more: What do you call a group of drummers standing in a circle? A dope ring. How can you tell if the drum riser is level? The drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth. Why do rock bands have roadies? To act as interpreters for the drummer. __________________________________________________ ______________________ What is the difference between a soprano and a rotweiller? Jewelry! How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? 5, 1 to change the bulb and 4 to hold the lead guitarist out of the light. What is Perfect Pitch? When you throw a banjo into the dumpster and it lands RIGHT EXACTLY ON TOP of the bagpipe! How many professional trombone players does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Professional trombone players can't afford light bulbs. Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? So they can park in the handicapped zones! How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax? dd vibrato! How do you put a twinkle in a soprano's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear! Gosh, some are so mean! Lol, but it is a good laugh. Enjoy! __________________ Don't shoot the piano-player; he's doing the best he can - Unknown ~ Basia ~

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Apr-21-2006, 18:54	#3 (permalink)
giovannimusica Commodore de Cavaille-Coll Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 669	What do you call a Drummer without a girlfriend? Ans: Homeless.

Apr-22-2006, 02:12	#4 (permalink)
Gareth Commodore of Water Music Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queensland,Australia Posts: 426	Those were pretty good, putting down drummers alot.

Apr-22-2006, 07:16	#6 (permalink)
Gareth Commodore of Water Music Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queensland,Australia Posts: 426	Ahhh lovely, they were good. Funny how you can bag other instruments out.

Apr-23-2006, 09:29	#7 (permalink)
giovannimusica Commodore de Cavaille-Coll Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 669	There was once a visitor tour group visiting a large Church in Austria. They marveled at the Roccoco Architecture of the exterior and interior of the Church. As they were nearing the altar of the Church, they heard some absolutely glorious music that was being performed. They were amazed that they did not see anyone playing any instruments or singing in the Church, there were no loudspeakers attached to stereo's anywhere in the Church. Where could the music be coming from. They started looking around the altar even more. They then discovered that the music was emanating from a large and ornate Sarcophagus. They asked the parish priest why all the beautiful music was emanating from the Sarcophagus, to which the priest replied: "Oh thats just Mozart decomposing".

Apr-23-2006, 12:58	#8 (permalink)
Gareth Commodore of Water Music Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queensland,Australia Posts: 426	Funny how Mozart can travel from an unmarked burial spot to a church???

Apr-23-2006, 18:35	#9 (permalink)
giovannimusica Commodore de Cavaille-Coll Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 669	Hey Mate, Havent you heard about the reliquary containing the bones of Mozart?

May-27-2006, 07:15	#11 (permalink)
Gareth Commodore of Water Music Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queensland,Australia Posts: 426	These jokes I find critisize a group of musicians for playing what they play. Some of them are really good though, keep them up!

Sep-08-2006, 13:34	#12 (permalink)
thevibes Seaman, Mezzoforte Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 16	cool jokes!esp. the drummer ones.. i got a drummer friend who has just been dumped by his gf.. must share these jokes with him.. attempt to make him smile

Sep-08-2006, 19:41	#13 (permalink)
Krummhorn Administrator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Tucson, Arizona Posts: 5,628 Images: 41	Wasn't it the late Victor Borge who said something to the effect of "the main difference between the Viola and the Violin is that the Viola burns longer"!

Sep-13-2006, 17:43	#14 (permalink)
robmcw Lieutenant, Associate Concertmaster Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin USA Posts: 76 Images: 7	What do you say to a banjo player in a three piece suit? 'Will the defendant please rise.'

Oct-19-2007, 19:10	#15 (permalink)
Mat Rear Admiral Appassionata Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,986 Images: 5	How is lightning like a violist's fingers? Neither one strikes in the same place twice. We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer? It's usually still in the case. What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. How do you get an oboist to play A flat? Take the batteries out of his electric tuner. What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? Not enough concrete. What's the definition of a gentleman? Someone who knows how to play accordion but chooses not to.