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Thread: Reactions to Syrian situation according to John Cleese

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    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Reactions to Syrian situation according to John Cleese

    Attributed to John Cleese

    "The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

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    Chief assistant to the assistant chief JHC's Avatar
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    Kiwis just couldn't give a toss...
    I don’t want a signature any more

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    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Kiwis just couldn't give a toss...
    Understandable, you lot are so far from the rest of the world nobody's going to bother you
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

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    Chief assistant to the assistant chief JHC's Avatar
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    No Mike really let em sort it out themselves Al qaeda are backing the so called rebels why start ww3, the USA should stay at home.
    I don’t want a signature any more

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    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Letting the "crazies" sort it out themselves is not an option...Why??? Because there will be horrific "collateral damage"...Do we all REALLY want to see images of babies mutilated by bio/chem weapons? I didn't think so...Then again, I didn't vote for the "usurper-in-chief" residing at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave. - And I don't support that venal creature..
    Last edited by Corno Dolce; Sep-01-2013 at 19:59.
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

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    Chief assistant to the assistant chief JHC's Avatar
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    Collateral damage happens in war look at WW2, London Coventry Dresden Berlin etc, babies mutilated by bio/chem as opposed to what? napalm, drones, carpet bombing or even nuclear. Civil wars happen keep them civil.
    I don’t want a signature any more

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    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHC View Post
    Collateral damage happens in war look at WW2, London Coventry Dresden Berlin etc, babies mutilated by bio/chem as opposed to what? napalm, drones, carpet bombing or even nuclear. Civil wars happen keep them civil.
    Civil war is the result of the world community saying: "we don't care...its not in our backyard". Its as bad as neville chamberlain and his "peace in our time" foible.
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

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    Chief assistant to the assistant chief JHC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corno Dolce View Post
    Civil war is the result of the world community saying: "we don't care...its not in our backyard"
    I humbly beg to differ CD, Civil war is an internal conflict usually of ideology, religion or plain bloody mindedness and as such should IMO be kept internal or you risk an almost certain escalation into a much wider conflict.
    I remember as a child hearing a discussion between adults during which someone said the next world war will start in the middle east although I did not understand at the time I never forgot and now see how very true that could be. The only people to benefit out of these internal conflicts are weapon manufacturers and heaven knows we do not need another war.
    I don’t want a signature any more

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    Duckmeister teddy's Avatar
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    We need to be absolutely sure Who is using chemical weapons before we blunder in and maybe kill even more children. Once it is established, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT, then we can decide on a course of action. Most British people do not want us involved and quite understandably . There are plenty of incidents where we should have got involved concerning Africa, but of course they do not appear to have any oil. Even America has now agreed to wait and see.

    teddy
    Pining for the South of France

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    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHC View Post
    I humbly beg to differ CD, Civil war is an internal conflict usually of ideology, religion or plain bloody mindedness and as such should IMO be kept internal or you risk an almost certain escalation into a much wider conflict.
    I remember as a child hearing a discussion between adults during which someone said the next world war will start in the middle east although I did not understand at the time I never forgot and now see how very true that could be. The only people to benefit out of these internal conflicts are weapon manufacturers and heaven knows we do not need another war.
    I respect your viewpoint but a tyrant grows more tyrannical when good men do nothing about it - And Syria has its own in-home weapons industries...
    Last edited by Corno Dolce; Sep-02-2013 at 14:59.
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

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    Chief assistant to the assistant chief JHC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corno Dolce View Post
    I respect your viewpoint but a tyrant grows more tyrannical when good men do nothing about it - And Syria has its own in-home weapons industries...
    And I respect yours my dear sir in fact I consider you to be a first rate gentleman of the first order
    I don’t want a signature any more

  12. #12
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHC View Post
    And I respect yours my dear sir in fact I consider you to be a first rate gentleman of the first order
    Brother Colin,

    Thank you so very much for according me such high praise...Trouble is, is that I'm so very rarely worthy of such praise, especially since I have cemeteries full of skeletons in my closet. Anyway, you and all the mates on this fine forum are worth more than all the precious stones and metals to be found on/in this earth.

    What to do about bashar al-assad? Lure the snake out of the hole and then........
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

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