The Jokes Thread

[marval]

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. Ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with very little in return.

As soon as she had finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

[NEB]

Nice one Margaret.

[intet_at_tabe]

marval - Awesome, but typically men!!

[Muza]

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
point a hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They
Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The
Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water, with a serious face, whenever you go out to eat.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are
Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[C5Says]

LOL...I think #1 is real good

[intet_at_tabe]

Muza - Awesome. Hilarius with a touch of irony.

[intet_at_tabe]

At the auction.

The speaker: "Ladies and gentlemen now for the last bitting, we have three brains from three US Presidents.

The first one belonged to President Ronald Reagan - Price 250.000 Dollars. The second belonged to President Bill Clinton - Price 500.000 Dollars. The third belonged to President George W. Bush Jr. - Price 1 million Dollars.

The audience at the auction hall looking curious at one another until someone raise his finger and ask the question everybody want the answer to:

"Why is the brain of President George W. Bush Jr. so much more expensive?".

The Speaker: "It´s never been used".

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[marval]

Good jokes coming there.

[marval]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says.

"My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night he hears the strange noise that he heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you, you're not a monk"

The man says "all right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."

The man sets about his task. Fourty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says "I have travelled the earth, and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply "congratulations, you are now a monk. We can now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says. "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked, he says, "HaHa, may I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it.

Only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man has gone through doors of emeralds, silver, topaz and amethyst.

Finally the monks say. "This is the key to the last door." The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.















But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

[intet_at_tabe]

marval - "But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk".

Right on marval, I´ve heard it in another edition, and I should have known. Beautiful!!
Hats off.

[Muza]

hahah, how funny

[NEB]

Yeah - I've heard that before and i'm still curious what the sound is... Hahaha.

[Contratrombone64]

LOL @ marval ... brilliant (except that 40 is spelled forty, not fourty)

Once and editor always an editor.

[Muza]

haha, I dont know if that was meant to be a joke, but that cracked me up, CT64

[Contratrombone64]

huh ... I don't understand