The Jokes Thread

[intet_at_tabe]

You haven't heard of our hiway named C5

For the curiosity of others, why C5?

My name starts with a C and my surname means 5 in spanish.

If you google 'ceefive' you'll find me plasted over the internet.

C5Says and janny108

I just love the explanation on C5. Now let´s see.

Uno, Dos, Dres, Quatro, Says - By golly miss Molly, she is right

[intet_at_tabe]

C5Says and janny108

I just love the explanation on C5. Now let´s see.

Uno, Dos, Dres, Quatro, Says - By golly miss Molly, she is right

C5Says

Actually my calculation was wrong, instead it´s - Uno, Dos, Dres, Quartro but then is Singo, Says....
Just thought, I´d help you out. Ole´

[intet_at_tabe]

read between the lines, Margaret...he's quitting just for "this minute" which had long time passed...so don't worry

Marval and C5Says - Okay, I decided not to end the coffee drinking yesterday, it could have meant to some, that I would excape the group, which of course I had no intentions to.

This morning I had forgot all about the whole discussion of addiction to coffee and Shockleberry (my butler) served it in bed. I wish he would use a cup though

So for all of us with a healthy living, I´ll give you our common hymn:

One More Cup of Coffee (Valley Below) Lyrics
Artist(Band):Bob Dylan


Your breath is sweet
Your eyes are like two jewels in the sky.
Your back is straight, your hair is smooth
On the pillow where you lie.
But I don't sense affection
No gratitude or love
Your loyalty is not to me
But to the stars above.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.

Your daddy he's an outlaw
And a wanderer by trade
He'll teach you how to pick and choose
And how to throw the blade.
He oversees his kingdom
So no stranger does intrude
His voice it trembles as he calls out
For another plate of food.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.

Your sister sees the future
Like your mama and yourself.
You've never learned to read or write
There's no books upon your shelf.
And your pleasure knows no limits
Your voice is like a meadowlark
But your heart is like an ocean
Mysterious and dark.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.


Have a great black coffee weekend all.

[Mat]

TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK


1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

[marval]

Hi Mat

Very funny


Margaret

[Mat]

Hello Margaret,

I like the one with contact lens the most.



The pilot of an aerobatic biplane landed in the recently mown field of a Scottish farmer to make a few adjustments to his engine. While he was tinkering with his machine, he noticed the Scotsman and his wife watching with a great deal of curiosity. The Scotsman asked the pilot how much he would charge to give both he and his wife a ride.

'Well', said the pilot, 'Normally I charge $50 dollars each, but if you are both completely quiet throughout the flight, the ride will be free of charge. If I hear the least amount of noise, you will owe the full fare.'

The couple quickly climbed aboard, and the pilot taxied and took off. Immediately, he proceeded to put his plane through all of its paces: barrel rolls, stalls, spins, split S maneuvers, you name it and he did it. The couple in back were completely silent throughout the thirty minute flight.

Upon landing, the pilot said, 'I really have to hand it to you for keeping quiet through all that!'

'Aye', said the Scotsman, 'but I'll admit, ye almost heard me when the wife fell out.'

[marval]

HaHaHaHa

Oh dear.

[marval]

Three little piggies went out to dinner one night. The waiter took their drinks order.

"I would like a Pepsi," said the first little piggie

"I would like a glass of cola," said the second little piggie

"I want lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie

The drinks were brought out and a little later, the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first little piggie

"I would like the salad plate," said the second little piggie

"I want lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first little piggie

"I want a nice slice of strawberry cheesescake," said the second little piggie

"I want lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have you only ordered water?"

"Well somebody has to go wee wee wee all the way home!" replied the third little piggie.

[Mat]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.

The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

[intet_at_tabe]

Miss Margaret and Mat

You guys are stand up comedians keep èm coming

[Mat]

As you wish , Intet


This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an ******* when you're drunk."

[intet_at_tabe]

[quote=Mat;37202]As you wish , Intet


More, more, more

[Mat]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean? I'm fine."
"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"
"Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

[intet_at_tabe]

You´re realy rockin´ Mat . Is it all from memory?´

[Mat]

Some of them - yes. But remember that the Internet is inexhaustible source