An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard.
He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.
The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy."Just do whatever I tell you to do."
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.
"Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
After the burning of Carpetright yesterday, the Police in Tottenham are now
having to cope with rug dealers on every street corner.
teddy
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1am, and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the
60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking........And then I saw her face
teddy
A trucker pulls up to a house of ill repute.
Give me a warm beer, a stale cheese sandwich, and bring me the ugliest woman you have - he requests the barman.
Are you ill ? asks the barman.
No, just homesick.
teddy
So now you are a believer Teddy, on the Last Train to Clarkesville.
Margaret
I've been banned from McDonalds!
A rather plump girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time.
She said “sorry about the wait”.
I said “don't worry, you’re bound to lose it eventually”
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle. From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple
who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the
car park.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the
car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On
closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under
the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into
place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
I don’t want a signature any more
Jokes from the Edinburgh fringe
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-14646532
I think there are those among us (e.g. Colin, Teddy, Margaret) who will definitely like the winning joke.
Definitely a winner Mike.
teddy
Yes I like that one.
Mother Superior called all the Nuns together one evening and said to them: "I must tell you all something.
We have a case of Malaria in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay
Very appropriate Doc
Thanks Mike It would be difficult for me to pick the winner
Why do Nuns go around in pairs??? so that one Nun can make sure the other Nun don't get none. boom boom
My first wife used to refer to the three nuns. None today, none tomorrow and none next week
teddy
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