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About LinkBacksDon't be lulled into a false sense of security by him
teddy
Don't be lulled into a false sense of security by him
teddy
i'd better not check on that: i'd be betraying how dumb i had been to misunderstand the joke in the first place, and then disclosing how wicked my misinterpretation was; and meanwhile being on thin ice in a new environment, i fear to offend bystanders.Originally Posted by teddy
Don't worry. You will only offend them if you say ***** or ** ****.
teddy
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends.
"First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis.
then they gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."
"Wow! How did you get through all that?" sympathized his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
You mean toothless as is Mike and teddygonebaroque,
as an afterthought: perhaps i read more ruthlessness
LMDO* JHC
* LMDO = Laughed my dentures out (re. teddy's post)
Coming back from another recent EC summit in Rome, various European leaders were forced to take the train due to a strike by Swiss Air Traffic controllers; sitting together in the same compartment, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were Sarkozy, Cameron, Merkel and the young and very attractive female Irish foreign minister.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Sarkozy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one speaks, everyone is extremely shocked and embarrassed.
Angela Merkel thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have groped the Irish girl in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The Irish girl thinks: Sarkozy, not able to help himself, must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled Merkel and she slapped his cheek.
Sarkozy thinks: Why me? That perfidious Cameron must have groped the Irish girl in the dark knowing that I'd get the blame for it and she slapped me... the English b@st@rd.
And Cameron thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that little French twit again.
Cheers MIKE.
How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
How many have you got?With apologies to m,y Polish friends
teddy
Probably not many now Mat.
teddy
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally Margaret looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Tom." "Well, uh, I was thinking' … perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." Margaret blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two then turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed and Margaret spoke again, "Another penny for your thoughts Tom." Well, uh, I was thinking' perhaps it's noo about time for a wee cuddle." Margaret blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Tom." "Well, uh, I was thinking' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg." Margaret blushed, then took his hand and placed it on her knee. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before Margaret spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Tom" Tom glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?' said Margaret in a whisper filled with anticipation. "Aye," said Tom, nodding. Margaret looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
teddy
A woman and a Hotel Manager who happens to be a lady:
Woman: What an ugly painting on the wall in my room!
Hotel Manager: Excuse me, but thats the mirror...
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand herup and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to livewithout fear and forget regret
.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her mostintimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman inthe room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, andinvincible.
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Its wine that does all that.......sorry
Never mind.
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked :
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ??? "
Cheers MIKE.
How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife when she was in labour.
"**** off you ********!" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.
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