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Thread: The Jokes Thread

  1. #61
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    Sir Arthur's probably not rolling in his grave, rather (in the spirit world) chasing scantily clad vaudeville beauties about, you reckon?

  2. #62
    Administrator Krummhorn's Avatar
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    hmm, could be ... sounds like a devilishly tantalizing thing to do ...
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  3. #63
    Administrator Krummhorn's Avatar
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    Here's a new one I received today in an email:

    The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good
    idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater
    seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills
    first now."

    The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!"

    "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that
    you are open to the new ideas of youth."

    "However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far
    with the drive-thru confessional."

    "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the
    donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

    "I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go To Hell',
    just can't stay on the church roof!"
    Kh ~~.
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  4. #64
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    I like that one.

    I expect this is an old one.


    There was a church in dire need of a bell ringer.

    Several people applied for the job, but they were turned down.

    On day a man came to the church and asked for the job.

    The priest hiring looked at him and said "how can you ring the bell? you have no arms to to pull on the rope".

    The man said "let me show you". So they walked up to the belfry, the man took five steps back and ran towards the bell, and smacked it with his face. The bell rang and the priest said "I'm sorry but it was not loud enough, for all the townspeople to hear in an emergency".

    The man with no arms then stepped back ten paces, and ran towords the bell, and smacked it with his face. The bell rang but the priest still said it was not loud enough, and he could not hire him.

    The man said "please give me one more chance and I will show you that I can ring the bell loud enough".

    The priest said "ok".

    The man with no arms stepped back fifteen paces, and ran as hard as he could, but this time he missed the bell and fell out of the belfry, to the ground to his death.

    The priest ran down as fast as he could to check on the man with no arms. As the priest approached, there was already a crowd of townspeople gathered around his body.

    The priest explained what happened, and asked if anbody knew the man with no arms.

    Several of the townpeople walked up to look, and told the priest they had no idea who he was. Then suddenly a gentleman appeared, and took a good look at the man with no arms and told the priest.

    "No father, I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell".

  5. #65
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Awww Ms. Margaret - that was a bit disconcerting of a joke
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  6. #66
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Yes it was really, sorry.

  7. #67
    Rear Admiral Appassionata
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    Funny though!

  8. #68
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    marval - you crack me up

  9. #69
    Administrator Krummhorn's Avatar
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    Marvel, another "ringer" for jokes from your way ... lol ...
    Kh ~~.
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  10. #70
    Rear Admiral Appassionata
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    a Hum Dinger perhaps?

  11. #71
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Ohh! That was a clanger of an answer. Still it did have some appeal (a peal).

  12. #72
    Administrator Krummhorn's Avatar
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    At least nobody is left hanging by a rope
    Kh ~~.
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    Amateur musicians practice until they get it right ...
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    fessional musicians practice until they can't get it wrong ...


  13. #73
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    such jocund humour ...

  14. #74
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    A lawyer was at a restaurant and, having just finished off the main course, he asked the waiter for the dessert menu. He looked through the menu whilst the waiter stood ready to jot down the selection. The lawyer then looked up and said to the waiter: "Since I'm a lawyer, I think i'll have the Tort".
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  15. #75
    Administrator Krummhorn's Avatar
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    That one must be an attorney standard ... funny, too
    Thank goodness he didn't order a "tart" ... ...
    Kh ~~.
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    Amateur musicians practice until they get it right ...
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