Presidental song

[marval]

Here is a song for the American presidential candidates.

Sung to the tune of A very Modern Major general.


I am the very model of a Presidential candidate,
I flip and flop, and like a flounder, on the issues vacillate.
I listen to the polls and say exactly what they tell me to,
And hope to make you think I have precisely the same goals as you.
I look into opponents' closets, pull out every skeleton,
But question me on policy, I'll wobble just like gelatin.
I'm highly dedicated to all matters pure political,
Compared to which the country's welfare isn't very critical.

I'm very good at telling lies with unsurpassed sincerity,
Like "All I do, I do for you, to foster your prosperity."
In short, in matters economic, social, and those of the state,
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

I love our Constitution and know how to make it work for me.
The Bill of Rights is just a guide that I ignore selectively.
The laws of this great land of ours were written with a lot of thought,
So when I violate them, it's important that I not get caught.
I never miss a photo op because it's free publicity.
I smile, shake hands, kiss babies and praise everyone's ethnicity.
Then I can face my rival in a widely televised debate
And cast aspersions on his record, hygiene, wife, and running mate.

My promises are all cliche' and none of them are practical,
But tax cuts, health care, schools and trees are all issues quite tactical.
I tell you what you want to hear on matters to which you relate.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

In fact, when I learn how to get essential legislation passed,
When I can get more countries to reduce the nukes they have amassed,
When my vast store of expertise can fill encyclopedias,
And my affairs with interns I can hide from all the media,
When economic crises I know how correctly to avert,
When I learn more of compromise, and enemies I can convert:
In short, when I earn the respect of people all across the land,
You'll say a better President has never been so close at hand.

For how to run a country, though I know how theoretically,
Is something that you can't be taught by doing it hypothetically.
But still I hope the voters think that I can learn to do it great.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

[Contratrombone64]

That is thoroughly wonderful, who penned it?

[Tûrwethiel]

How funny, Margaret. With a little substitution it could be adapted to suit any politician.

[marval]

Hi guys,

Yes I thought it was very clever, some one called Chris Frederick wrote it.

Here is another one to the same tune, by someone who calls hinself Red Ant


I am the very master of all errors typographical
Wrong punctuation deplorable, terrible, and horrible
I somehow butcher English, my handwriting is illegible
(From ampersands and commas too, no order parenthetical)

Know very well I'm daunted, too, with matters alphabetical
Should understand the usage, it's practically impossible
Suffer carpal tunnel syndrome regretting poor posture too..
From many stupid acts concerning wrongful semicolon use

Chorus:
From many stupid acts concerning wrongful semicolon use
From many stupid acts concerning wrongful semicolon use
From many stupid acts concerning wrongful semicolon colon use

Me:
Not very good at anything it's borderline ridiculous
Don't know exactly why I feel the need for double negatives
Unsure, it boggles, incredible, wonderful, it's magical?
I am the very master of all errors typographical

Chorus:
Unsure, it boggles, incredible, laughable?, it's terrible!
He is the very master of all errors typographical

Me:
It's such terrific mystery, so awful and unorthodox
I need to get around this, and finally get my point across
I write in my archaic ways nothing really so fabulous
Laconic I'll show more dissimilarities miraculous !

When using participles there should be no ambiguity
Absolute constructions are acceptable grammatically
Well I can follow rules of which the dictionary's said before..
But disregard my learning my eternal good sense pitiful!

Chorus:
But disregards his learning his eternal good sense pitiful
But disregards his learning his eternal good sense pitiful
But disregards his learning his eternal good sense pretty pitiful

Me:
And I can write my signature in idiotic cuneiform
I think my typing's pretty uncharacteristic not the norm
Unsure?, it flatters!, but I've shown all evidence empirical
I am the very master of all errors typographical

Chorus:
Unsure?, it flatters?, but he's shown all evidence empirical
He is the very master of all errors typographical

Me:
A fact, well I know what is meant by lowercase and UPPERCASE
But when it comes to using prepositions I'm a basketcase
With much despair reporting that suprise I'm quite illiterate
And that I know I'll never be an honored Nobel Laureate

Well I tend to put a lot of things inside of parentheses
I haven't fiqured out how to correctly use apostrophes
A dork, when I got splattered in the grade school level spelling bees..
I'll say the English section overall score lowered SATs

Chorus:
He'll say the English section overall score lowered SATs
He'll say the English section overall score lowered SATs
He'll say the English section overall score lowered essay SATs

Me:
Poor's my literary knowledge, I've covered this so thoroughly
Has only been lampooned from the beginning of the parody
But still, some doubters, and so I now type it all in capital*
I AM THE VERY MASTER OF ALL ERRORS TYPOGRAPHICAL !

Chorus:
Instilled, no doubters, and so he now types it all in capital
HE IS THE VERY MASTER OF ALL ERRORS TYPOGRAPHICAL !


There are many more, here is the link.


http://www.amiright.com/parody/performers/g/gilbertsullivan.shtml

[Contratrombone64]

love it!!

[Tûrwethiel]

Lol !!!

[marval]

I looked at the website, I liked the Hobbit one.


Margaret

[sunwaiter]

if you have the opportunity to see french movies wherever you are, you can try this one, released this week here i think: " being W" (god bless me). you already guessed who W is... A well-known, former TV-regular journalist with baldhead and glasses named Karl Zero directed it. he already made one about Nicolas Sarkozy, and one about Jacques Chirac. He thinks Georgie Boy is faking, that he's actually a very intelligent man with a little dislexy using american average ignorance to get what he wants. he also thinks mister Obama won't be the next american president, though he'd like him to be.

[Sylvie Pacey]

Absolutely wonderful. When I've time I'll look up more. Thank you. Sylvie

[marval]

Hi Sylvie

There a few G&S fans here.

Margaret

[Contratrombone64]

Sylvie ... there's a jolly good reason Sullivan's music is still being played over a 100 years later ...

[greatcyber]

And I'm one of them. Margaret, those are absolutely hysterical. Did you see the PalinasPresident link in my other thread (the one Krummhorn helped me with?) It's an interactive site where you just click on everything in the picture and well, you'll see. It's entertaining (and she's a maverick...2)

[marval]

Hi Stephen, yes I did see it, it was very good.


Margaret