The amusing sayings thread

Dorsetmike

Member
"Don't confuse me with facts, I've made up my mind."

"As easy as carrying a fart in a sieve"

In line with your "useless" above, one posted in another thread springs to mind

"As much use as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest"

A couple of others are not repeatable in polite company such as this forum.
 

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
A local one that springs "As much use as tits on a Bull"

and of course this one which has many variations:

onearmed20fiddler.gif
 

jhnbrbr

New member
One from the "Black Country" (previously industrial area of UK Midlands with distinctive dialect):

"When you'm dead, you'm dead a long time."
 

marval

New member
One saying I have used is "As much use as a pig in a parachute."


Here's one from Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker Books.

Zaphod Beeblebrox declares, "I'm so hip, I can barely see over my pelvis!"


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
  • A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
  • Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
  • Youth is a malady from which one becomes cured a little every day.
  • He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
 

Hawk Henries

New member
Love your enemies. It makes them so darned mad.

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

Did you ever stop to think ~ and forget to start again?
 

marval

New member
"There must be something to acupuncture. After all, you never see any sick porcupines." - Bob Goddard
 

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
LOL @ marval

Mark Latham (formmer leader of the labour party here about the former Libral Government):

"they're a conga-line of suckholes..."
 

marval

New member
I like that one CT.

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." - George Burns
 

marval

New member
Oh dear Mike, never mind.

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante


Margaret
 

Soubasse

New member
Heard this beauty from a Scotsman on another forum (don't actually know if he thought of it or purloined it from somewhere else):

"As useful as Heather Mills left foot in a toe-curling competition"
 

marval

New member
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
 

marval

New member
I like that one Mike, can I do that now.


An expression for forgetful people.


He was that forgetful his mother used to wrap his lunch in a map


Margaret
 
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