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Thread: Musical jokes

  1. #136
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Yes I liked it too CD, yours was funny too Stephen.


    Margaret

  2. #137
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    A local church built a new sanctuary. They moved their very
    fine old pipe organ to the new sanctuary. It was an
    intricate task that was completed successfully.
    The local news heralded. .. "St. Paul Completes Organ
    Transplant."



  3. #138
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    Margaret, adorable!!
    I'm not an atheist and I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God.
    —Albert Einstein.

  4. #139
    Rear Admiral Appassionata greatcyber's Avatar
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    Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
    A: A new age song.

    Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
    A: You get your job and your wife back.

    Stephen

    Perform a Random Act of Kindness Today...
    ...You Just May Be in Need of One Tomorrow.

  5. #140
    Commodore con Forza Tûrwethiel's Avatar
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    Tee hee, Stephen!

  6. #141
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    HaHa good ones Stephen.


    What do you call a short headmaster?
    A 4-foot principal.

  7. #142
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    "New Musical Terms"

    In an effort to keep you abreast of the ever-changing world of musical terminology, we provide you with some terms with which you should be familiar:

    Adagio Fromaggio:
    To play in a slow and cheesy manner.

    AnDante:
    A musical composition that is infernally slow.

    Angus Dei:
    To play with a divine, beefy tone.

    Anti-phonal:
    Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

    A Patella:
    Unaccompanied knee-slapping.

    Appologgiatura:
    A composition, solo or instrument, you regret playing.

    Approximatura:
    A series of notes played by a performer, not intended by the composer.

    Approximento:
    A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch.

    Bar Line:
    What musicians form after a concert.

    Concerto Grossissimo:
    A really bad performance.

    Coral Symphony:
    (see Beethoven-Caribbean period).

    Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous:
    The entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hastily down the stage stairs.

    Dill Piccolino:
    A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

    Fermantra:
    A note that is held over and over and over and ..

    Fermoota:
    A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.

    Fog Hornoso:
    A sound that is heard when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

    Frugalhorn:
    A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

    Gaul Blatter:
    A French horn player.

    Good Conductor:
    A person who can give an electrifying performance.
    Or, alternative use, one who obeys the orchestra and/or chorus.

    Gregorian Champ:
    Monk who can hold a note the longest.

    Kvetchendo:
    Gradually getting annoyingly louder.

    Mallade:
    A romantic song that's pretty awful.

    Molto bolto:
    Head straight for the ending.

    Opera buffa:
    Musical stage production by nudists.

    Poochini Musical:
    Performance, accompanied by a dog.

    Pre-Classical Conservatism:
    School of thought which fostered the idea, "If it ain't baroque, don't fix it."

    Spritzicato:
    Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional).

    Tempo Tantrumo:
    When a young band refuses to keep time with the conductor.

    Tincanabulation:
    The annoying or irritating sounds made by extremely cheap bells.

    Vesuvioso:
    A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.

    ZZZfortzando:
    Playing REALLY loud in order to wake up the audience.

    Al dante con muncho:
    Text painting using molars and lots of snack food

    Scaretzandomundo:
    Music that frightens people all over the world

    Picksanozo a tempo:
    The sound of plucking a bugger from ones nose in rhythm

    Al Fresco mitt lager:
    French music heard outside with a German beer

    Musica ad nauseum in peptobizmahl:
    Peppy music that sometimes makes you sick

    Perpetua in mobile gasstrando:
    The sound of a bagpipe playing in the lowest register possible in imitation of the sound of passing wind - sometimes also known as: in flatulence detecto con grosso

  8. #143
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    Margaret - hilare!!!
    I'm not an atheist and I don't think I can call myself a pantheist. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God.
    —Albert Einstein.

  9. #144
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Thank you, I smiled when I found it.

  10. #145
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso methodistgirl's Avatar
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    That was so funny!
    judy tooley

  11. #146
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Hi Judy


    I am glad you liked it.


    Margaret

  12. #147
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Music history according to students


    1. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.


    2. Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better
    not try to sing.


    3. A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.


    4. John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.


    5. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.


    6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
    loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
    calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in
    1827 and later died from this.


    7. Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of.


    8. Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is
    unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.


    9. An opera is a song of bigly size.


    10. In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he
    really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live
    happily ever after.


    11. When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing
    eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.


    12. Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.


    13. I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.


    14. Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said
    he would go a long way. And so he came to America.


    15. A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the odium.


    16. Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy.


    17. Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.


    18. Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields
    and McCoys.


    19. My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.


    20. My favorite composer is Opus.


    21. A harp is a nude piano.


    22. A tuba is much larger than its name.


    23. Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.


    24. You should always say "celli" when you mean there are two or more cellos.


    25. Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick
    with the first name and learn it good.


    26. A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.


    27. While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.


    28. The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass
    fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.


    29. When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds.
    So would anybody.


    30. Question: What are kettle drums called?
    Answer: Kettle drums.

  13. #148
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Mat's Avatar
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    Margaret, those are priceless. Especially the one with guitar. Thanks.
    Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.
    -- Victor Hugo


  14. #149
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Glad you liked it Mat.


    Margaret

  15. #150
    Commodore con Forza Tûrwethiel's Avatar
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    Absolute classics! Thanks Margaret.

    Cheers

    Vicki

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