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Thread: Musical jokes

  1. #121
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    groans @ margaret

  2. #122
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    HaHa Intet

    I had heard the joke before, lovely picture though. He seems to be tattooed all over.


    Margaret
    no tattoos on his teeth, far too perfect looking I think

  3. #123
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Oh, I wouldn't fancy any tattoos. But certainly not on my teeth.


    Margaret

  4. #124
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    We know that Bach had bad eyesight, but what about his teeth ?
    Answer : They weren't much better.....too many suites

  5. #125
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    *shakes head side to side, with a wry smile* @ Margaret

  6. #126
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    What did the organ teacher say to the organ student who was trying to play Dieu Parmi Nous instead of his lesson plans?
    Stop Messiean around!

  7. #127
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Oh No! Groan.........

    Just as bad as: Why did JSBach have so many children? Because there were no stops on his organ...
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  8. #128
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    HaHa CD.


    Why is the pipe organ more moral than a grand piano?
    Because it's principals are more upstanding!

  9. #129
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Excellent, Dame Margaret - simply hilarious
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  10. #130
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Thank you CD.


    How many organists does it take to change a light bulb?
    Two. - One to change the bulb, and one to complain that the switch doesn't have any combination pistons.

  11. #131
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Aloha Dame Margaret,

    If ye only knew how true that was in some instances....Heavy Sigh.......

    Cheerio,

    CD
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  12. #132
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Oh dear CD, what a shame.


    How does an organist change his/her old fashioned underclothing?
    With a "combination" piston!

  13. #133
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    "If Organists Wrote the Wedding Columns..."


    On Saturday, the third of August, at well after the stated time of 2:00PM, Ann Jones and Bob Smith were married at Our Lady of Sorry Acoustics. The delay was attributed to the late arrival of an aunt of the bride and was deftly covered by organist Reginald Laudfuss (now celebrating his seventh month at the church) who improvised on an original theme for well over ten minutes. This improvisation was accomplished in all minor keys without the use of the organ's wholly unnecessary transposer. Mr. Laudfuss gives thanks to the church's wedding coordinator, Ima Thority, for flashing him a series of hand signals during the crisis.

    Mr. Laudfuss chose a lightweight summer robe of shimmering burgundy to conceal his cutoffs and T-shirt. The organist's shoes, in tasteful black, were by Organmaster, accessorized with upgraded laces from Thom McAn. They are his third pair in about fifteen years. The wedding party wore the usual clothes.

    The organ is the fourth or fifth rebuild of what was originally a dreadful 1920's theater organ from the Roxy. It now contains additional pipework from an Ox tracker, salvaged after that mysterious fire in a practice room at the University. Other stops have been added according to the tastes of organists who have come and gone. The Great Harmonic Flute was voiced by Harrison and purchased from the Cathedral of Ostentation during their 1977 project. The Wurlitzer Brass Trumpet (temporarily residing in place of the Swell Oboe) is the envy of the city; it is rumored to have been stolen (all 61 pipes!) from the now-shuttered Palace. The organ's combination action, unfortunately, is unreliable.

    There were a sufficiently large number of attendants to build a lengthy processional upon, but despite last night's rehearsal they heedlessly hurried up the aisle, resulting in a drastic compression of the "Prince of Denmark's March." This critical number was therefore performed with no repeats, and Mr. Laudfuss pointedly ended on the dominant in protest.

    However, the 8' Tuba (purchased pre-voiced over the internet and the central feature of the March) was a resounding success as could be measured by the smiles that spread throughout the congregation during the processional.

    After a few minutes of talking by a clergy type, the organist played the first four phrases of the Schubert "Ave Maria" (in E-major to avoid a pulled pipe) on the shimmering Choir Gemshorn 8' (no tremolo) while the couple did something.

    Later, somebody's female relative breathily sang "The Wedding Song." It appeared that this person's usual venue was a country-western bar, and some tension occurred during the solo. The soloist attempted to continue singing during the interludes. Mr. Laudfuss responded by trying to cover her error with cues from the Swell Trompette 8' (Wicks, 1940's, revoiced by Gantt in the 1958 rebuild) but she continued in her own misguided way forcing the organist to shuffle his music loudly. This contretemps prevented the congregation from enjoying the subtle chiff of the Choir Gedeckt 8', which would have been the only bright spot in a notoriously boring song.

    The recessional was the Mendelssohn, chosen despite Mr. Laudfuss's counsel to the contrary. It was played on a satisfying plenum in A B A B A form to fit the available time. When the wedding party was finally out of the way Mr. Laudfuss presented the Widor Toccata as the postlude. The guests inconsiderately talked throughout the number, but the organist added stops as the noise level increased, masterfully maneuvering each drawknob, coupler and piston without missing a single note of the Widor. The sforzando button unexpectedly brought the Brass Trumpet into the ensemble but by now there was no turning back and the Widor ended breathtakingly. This noble feat did not go unnoticed by the congregation, who responded with audible sighs when the music stopped.

    The bride and groom went to college somewhere, but they did not take any music. After their honeymoon they will blend into suburbia where they will produce children. The highlight of each year will be the replay of Mr. Laudfuss's work via a wedding video.

  14. #134
    Rear Admiral Appassionata greatcyber's Avatar
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    A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

    "Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"

    "That you kill me first."
    Stephen

    Perform a Random Act of Kindness Today...
    ...You Just May Be in Need of One Tomorrow.

  15. #135
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Ohhhh Dame Margaret,

    Thats was too funny

    Cheerio,

    CD
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

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