Thanks for your encouraging words but I have completely finished with church music and this unrewarding b*stard of an instrument. What on earth was I thinking of learning it? What has it all been for? . . . And in any case, this dog of an instrument is all but dead.
Padster, I can certainly understand your frustrations and maybe it's time for a sabbatical from church music. I did that between church positions for about two years and did sub work occasionally, but mostly played rounds of golf on Sunday mornings.
I don't agree with the statement that the "instrument is all but dead", as many churches around the country and world continue to install fine pipe organs, as well as enhancing some of the older instruments by adding ranks and upgrading consoles.
I truly believe most parishioners wouldn't notice if I showed up and just played hymns without any practice . . . The painful process of learning to pedal correctly; the co-ordination, learning to read 3 lines of music at once. All to be treated like dirt time and again. If I had my time to go over again I wouldn't touch the organ with a six-foot barge pole.
But, there are those who
do appreciate our craft and
do listen to our prepared pieces. It's
those people that make all the effort worth it for me, and I feel good about what I have played, even if few ever comment about it.
Apparently this latest situation has you very upset where you want to just chuck it all. You are not alone as I'm sure others have also had those same feelings at one time or another. Please don't let this one situation spoil your initial love of this great instrument. Yes, you were treated like dirt in this one church - but I think it is an isolated situation. Not all churches are like that ... please give it another chance ... after a hiatus possibly.
We've all had to endure what seemed like endless practice sessions learning pedal technique and reading organ scores. We did it because of our great interest in the king of instruments - we were all drawn to it because of all of the instruments sonorous sounds, and then having the ability to have all those resources at our fingertips brought much joy to our hearts and eventually to our listeners.
You say music calms the soul. Well, in me it engenders the complete opposite: frustration, anger and despair. I am done with the lot of it.
Right now, that's probably true. You are currently burned out on the whole situation. Take a break from it, but please don't scrap the whole idea of playing ever again.
The organist community still needs great people like yourself, and it's all of us, working together, that will keep up the interest in church music as a whole.
There are fewer and fewer young people stepping up to the challenge of being a church organist these days - there is nobody waiting in the wings to take my position whenever I retire from playing on a weekly basis, nobody at all, and that makes me worrisome. But thanks to organizations like the American Guild of Organists who continue to introduce young people to the organ through their Pipes and Pizza programs, we might, however slowly, begin to replenish the void of available organists in the future.
When I do retire from playing in church, it won't be a full retirement - I will continue to play like once a month perhaps - I just can't see myself quitting altogether, that is as long as the fingers and toes keep functioning. I've been in this career for 53+ years now - it's part of me, it's in my heart and soul, and the thrill of being able to lead people in joyful hymns is my reward.
I have never regretted making the decision I made when I was 13 years of age ... I just passed the 53 year mark in service playing (32 years in my present position) and still enjoying all of it. It's in my heart and soul.
I am hoping that you will, someday, return to the organ console. We all look forward to that day
.
Lars A.