The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
Dorsetmike
Member
Mary had a little lamp
she filled it with benzine
she went to light her little lamp
and hasn't since bin seen
she filled it with benzine
she went to light her little lamp
and hasn't since bin seen
Dorsetmike
Member
Mary had a little lamb
she also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
but never seen her ..........
she also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
but never seen her ..........
Dorsetmike
Member
Confucius say .. man who take woman on hillside not on level
Confucius say .. woman who cook cabbage and peas in same pot not sanitary
Confucius say .. woman who cook cabbage and peas in same pot not sanitary
Dorsetmike
Member
Yeah, I know a few like that, comes from spending 23 years in the armed forces.
marval
New member
HaHa teddy, I wonder if these jokes will get the chop?
What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
"After ewe"
What is a sheep's favorite newspaper?
"The Wool Street Journal"
What would you get if you crossed a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper
Why did the lamb call the police?
He had been fleeced
What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
"After ewe"
What is a sheep's favorite newspaper?
"The Wool Street Journal"
What would you get if you crossed a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper
Why did the lamb call the police?
He had been fleeced
JHC
Chief assistant to the assistant chief
came out in tins????? omg that would hurt like crazy
Dorsetmike
Member
Yeah, where was that dug up, pull the udder one.
teddy
Duckmeister
A Doctor was visiting a home for the mentally unstable. One room he viewed contained a bath full of water, a bucket, a cup and a teaspoon.
What's this for - he asked.
This to assess the patients - he was told. We ask the new patient to empty the bath and see what happens.
Ah - cries the Doctor - I suppose the ill ones use the cup or the spoon instead of the bucket.
No - replies the assistant - The sane ones pull the plug out. Would you like a room with a view of the park?
What's this for - he asked.
This to assess the patients - he was told. We ask the new patient to empty the bath and see what happens.
Ah - cries the Doctor - I suppose the ill ones use the cup or the spoon instead of the bucket.
No - replies the assistant - The sane ones pull the plug out. Would you like a room with a view of the park?
marval
New member
lol, good one.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
Dorsetmike
Member
Student essay extracts.
J S Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children, in between he practrised on an old spinster which he kept in the attic
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
J S Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children, in between he practrised on an old spinster which he kept in the attic
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.