The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
marval
New member
You know you're drinking too much coffee when..........
You sleep with your eyes open
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
You lick the coffee pot clean
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
All your kids are named Joe
You don't sweat you percolate
When somebody asks you "how are you?" you say "good to the last drop
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
You think being called a drip is a compliment
You don't get mad you get steamed
Your coffe mug is insured by Lloyds of London
You think CPR stands for "coffee provides resuscitation"
You sleep with your eyes open
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
You lick the coffee pot clean
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
All your kids are named Joe
You don't sweat you percolate
When somebody asks you "how are you?" you say "good to the last drop
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
You think being called a drip is a compliment
You don't get mad you get steamed
Your coffe mug is insured by Lloyds of London
You think CPR stands for "coffee provides resuscitation"
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Oh Margaret :lol::lol::lol::lol::clap::clap::clap::clap:
That´s it. Because of your healthy very pedagogic good reminder on our behaviour addicted to this unhealthy expensive damned black stuff. As of now this minute, I´ll quit it.
That´s it. Because of your healthy very pedagogic good reminder on our behaviour addicted to this unhealthy expensive damned black stuff. As of now this minute, I´ll quit it.
Last edited:
C5Says
New member
read between the lines, Margaret...he's quitting just for "this minute" which had long time passed...so don't worry
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
My foot-man or butler:
"Intet-at-tabe you told me to throw out all the coffee we had stored".
Me:
Haven´t I told you: Never listen to what I say, only to what I mean!!
My butler: ????
Me: If you favour your job - go get it now!!
Right you are C5says, old habbits are difficult to get rid off, but there´s a new day tomorrow :grin::grin:
C5Says
New member
janny108
New member
I saw your name as C5; sorry but I can't help thinking of cell C5 in Excel(I'm taking Excel in school) LOL
Jan
C5Says
New member
You haven't heard of our hiway named C5
For the curiosity of others, why C5?
My name starts with a C and my surname means 5 in spanish.
If you google 'ceefive' you'll find me plasted over the internet.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
You haven't heard of our hiway named C5
For the curiosity of others, why C5?
My name starts with a C and my surname means 5 in spanish.
If you google 'ceefive' you'll find me plasted over the internet.
C5Says and janny108
I just love the explanation on C5. Now let´s see.
Uno, Dos, Dres, Quatro, Says - By golly miss Molly, she is right :grin::grin:
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
C5Says
Actually my calculation was wrong, instead it´s - Uno, Dos, Dres, Quartro but then is Singo, Says....
Just thought, I´d help you out. :grin::grin::banana::banana::wave::wave: Ole´
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Marval and C5Says - Okay, I decided not to end the coffee drinking yesterday, it could have meant to some, that I would excape the group, which of course I had no intentions to.
This morning I had forgot all about the whole discussion of addiction to coffee and Shockleberry (my butler) served it in bed. I wish he would use a cup though :grin::grin:
So for all of us with a healthy living, I´ll give you our common hymn:
One More Cup of Coffee (Valley Below) Lyrics
Artist(Band):Bob Dylan
Your breath is sweet
Your eyes are like two jewels in the sky.
Your back is straight, your hair is smooth
On the pillow where you lie.
But I don't sense affection
No gratitude or love
Your loyalty is not to me
But to the stars above.
One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.
Your daddy he's an outlaw
And a wanderer by trade
He'll teach you how to pick and choose
And how to throw the blade.
He oversees his kingdom
So no stranger does intrude
His voice it trembles as he calls out
For another plate of food.
One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.
Your sister sees the future
Like your mama and yourself.
You've never learned to read or write
There's no books upon your shelf.
And your pleasure knows no limits
Your voice is like a meadowlark
But your heart is like an ocean
Mysterious and dark.
One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.
Have a great black coffee weekend all. :lol::lol::lol::lol:
TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK
1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."