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Thread: Private Thread - Keep Out!

  1. #406
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    In fact I'll steak my life on it.

    Margaret
    I've heard rasher statements! (Usually a load of tripe.)
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  2. #407
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Well Mike, I wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just hamming it up.

    If you want something different for Sunday lunch, you had better go and bison.

    I have to go now, I am off to the cinema to see "The loin king."


    Margaret

  3. #408
    Commodore con Forza Soubasse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    "The loin king."
    Oh good gravy!! We really are scraping the bottom of the pan here. Some people really have a hide.
    Music is made to transform the states of the soul, for an hour or an instant (J. Alain)

  4. #409
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    Well, they are the most dangerous punslingers in the West!

  5. #410
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jhnbrbr View Post
    Well, they are the most dangerous punslingers in the West!
    Good one John, well I have always relished wordplay and have a consuming interest in culinary puns, sometimes I will loaf around all day to find them. Hoping to get Brownie points.

    Did you know my neighbour plays the organ in his garden to get organically grown food? His wife Rosemary was always late delivering packages. This prompted the head of International Herbs and Spices to call her supervisor, demanding to speak to the parcel sage about Rosemary and time.

  6. #411
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    UPUN my word!!

    As well as puns I also love spoonerisms, malapropisms and limericks, although the latter don't really come under wordplay.
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  7. #412
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    What's your favourite limerick then, Mike?

  8. #413
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    There was a young girl from the Cape
    Who had an affair with an ape
    The result was most horrid,
    all bum and no forehead
    plus one hairless ball like a grape

    Most of the others are like an engagement ring,











    a bit near the knuckle
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  9. #414
    Commodore con Forza Soubasse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorsetmike View Post
    As well as puns I also love spoonerisms, malapropisms and limericks, although the latter don't really come under wordplay.
    +1 here for spoonerisms. I grew up with so many of Ronnie Barker's Rev Spooner skits. I have a feeling soon that malapropisms will become known as Bushisms since so many of the grammatical crimes that exited Dubya's mouth were in the same league.

    One malapropism that remained a family joke for many years was to do with a former maid of my great-grandparents. She once warned off one of the children against using the water in a bucket because it had gone pregnant.
    Music is made to transform the states of the soul, for an hour or an instant (J. Alain)

  10. #415
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Another grey day here, so I'll be doing a jig saw again, I'm averaging just under 2 days for a 1000 piece puzzle.

    I hate lots of sky in the picture on a puzzle so what did I get from the library ........ a puzzle with a collage of 11 airliners, mostly in flight, and what surrounds planes in flight?

    Bluddy SKY
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  11. #416
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    I am trying to have an image of a pregnant bucket.

    Heere are two malapropisms I like.

    "We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks" This was said by Stan Laurel and one said by Dan Quale. "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."


    This is the first limerick I remember hearing, it is an Edward Lear one.

    There was an Old Man with a beard,
    Who said 'It is just as I feared,
    Two Owls and a Hen,
    Four Larks and a Wren,
    Have all built their nests in my beard.


    Have fun with the sky Mike, I do jigsaw puzzles on my computer.


    Margaret

  12. #417
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    I've always liked this limerick, but I'm not sure whether everyone will know it already. It needs to be spoken out loud ...

    There was a young fellow from Clyde
    Fell into a sewer and died
    The next day his brother
    Fell into another
    And now they're interred side by side.

    I also remember two funny poems by Ogden Nash:

    I test my bath before I sit
    And I'm always filled with wonderment
    That what chills the finger not a whit
    Is so frigid to the fundament!

    (Personally I have the opposite problem - my "fundament" gets too hot and I have to stand up quickly!)

    This one is about women wearing trousers ...

    Go deck your lower limbs in pants
    Yours are the limbs, my sweeting
    You look divine as you advance
    But have you seen yourself retreating?
    Last edited by jhnbrbr; Oct-20-2009 at 13:16.

  13. #418
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Hi John,

    I hadn't heard that limerick, the Ogdon Nash ones are good.

    This one I wrote, not very good.


    The old man who said he was able
    To dance on top of the table
    Lost his footing and fell
    And said you can't tell
    Whose legs are really most stable


    I like this one, I don't know who wrote it.

    A girl from the Isle of Wight
    Used to travel much faster than light
    She set out one day,
    In a relative way,
    And returned on the previous night.

  14. #419
    Commodore con Forza Soubasse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    I am trying to have an image of a pregnant bucket.
    Oops - I can see now I didn't make that clear. Her exact words were (I believe) "don't use that water, it's gone pregnant"

    I recall with some fondness having to write limericks at school as part of a poetry exercise - some of them were even clean! (as opposed to having gone pregnant)
    Music is made to transform the states of the soul, for an hour or an instant (J. Alain)

  15. #420
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    On BBC radio 3 recently they had a competition to write a serious (ie non-funny) limerick. That'a a very hard concept to get your head around.

    Another interesting word competition from (I think) the Daily Telegraph was to sum up what it meant to be English in just five words. The winner was

    Sorry, is this the queue?

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