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Thread: Private Thread - Keep Out!

  1. #481
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Even more so when you consider how much spelling was mangled as well.
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  2. #482
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    If you want mispronounced words.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQjPgO8O6gg

  3. #483
    Commodore con Forza
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    Thanks Margaret, I hadn't seen that one before. No one does that sort of thing better than Ronnie B.

  4. #484
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Yes, I agree Ronnie B. was a past master at that sort of thing.

  5. #485
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    The incompetent actor

    Over on the verbosity thread, I just had occasion to use one of my favourite punctuation devices - the double question mark. I may even have invented it. I can tell you're sceptical. So what was that question you just asked me? Why would anyone ever need to use two question marks?? Was that the question? I thought so!

    Errors in punctuation can sometimes change the whole meaning. The fragment below is something I overheard a long time ago. I haven't got a clue what the context was, but I imagine it was something to do with an incompetent actor who made completely the wrong sense of his lines ...

    Instead of saying:

    "What's that in the road ahead?"

    he said:

    "What's that in the road? A head?"

    and instead of saying:

    "What is this thing called 'love'?"

    he said:

    "What is this thing called, Love?"

  6. #486
    Commodore con Forza Soubasse's Avatar
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    There's also:

    "To be or not.
    (to be that is).
    The question whether 'tis nobler in the mind ... (etc)"

    Ronnie Barker was an absolute genius when it cames to malapropisms, spoonerisms or any hysterical corruption of the English language. I grew up with that stuff and loved every minute of it. The Goons were a big help in that department too. In many ways, they started it.
    In many ways they started it.
    In many ways they started it.
    In many ways they started it.

    They don't come much better than this though -the writing and timing (from both of them) is perfect.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz2-ukrd2VQ
    Last edited by Soubasse; Nov-05-2009 at 02:59.
    Music is made to transform the states of the soul, for an hour or an instant (J. Alain)

  7. #487
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Even better for Goon shows is BBC7, one show weekly available here

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007...pisodes/player

    Many other golden oldies repeated too, Round the Horne, Navy Lark, Hancocks half hour and many others, daily schedules here -

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio7/programm...les/2009/11/05
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  8. #488
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    The mind Boogles?

    http://crave.cnet.co.uk/software/0,3...9304156,00.htm

    makes you wonder eh?
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  9. #489
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Oh what a laugh I have had. Thank you Soubasse for the Two Ronnies sketch, absolutely brilliant.

    The mind really does boggle Mike, I use Ask and sometimes it gives me similar things. Thank you for the link, I used to love Round the Horne, and the Navy Lark.


    Here is a funny name game.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubb6upZj5oI

  10. #490
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Margaret if you don't mind something a litle risqué open Google and type in "why are these" (without the " ") then follow the following option "why are these strawberries"
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  11. #491
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Consider it done, my goodness Mike, Venessa Feltz and what an odd title.


    Margaret

  12. #492
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    A puzzle

    A man goes for a horse ride on Sunday. He rides due east for twenty four hours, then he gets off, stretches his legs and waters his horse. Then he mounts up again and rides due west for another twenty four hours. When he arrives back on his horse, at exactly the same place he started from, it's still the same Sunday. Explain.

  13. #493
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    Time for another musical interlude ...

    ... and it doesn't get much better than this ...

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xtq...-grimaud_music

  14. #494
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    Not rearing pigs

    Thought I posted this earlier but can't find it, must have been another forum

    Copy of a reputedly genuine letter; best qualifier for a tongue in cheek smiley?.

    Dear Secretary of State,

    My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

    In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

    I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

    As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

    My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

    If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradeable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?

    Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

    I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

    In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

    Yours faithfully,
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  15. #495
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    That was a good one Mike, getting paid for not doing something.


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