Private Thread - Keep Out!

[Soubasse]

Oh dear - I think we must stop meating like this.

 

[Dorsetmike]

Oh dear - I think we must stop meating like this.

So, what's your beef? You mutton let it get to you.

 

[marval]

I would join in but I think you have done the wurst, still I won't get in a stew about it. That reminds me I must have a BBQ, next time we get a meatwave. Oh no, I am doing it now, still perhaps this thread should be called "Lettuce entertain you."


Margaret

 

[Dorsetmike]

Not fair Margaret, this was a carniverous punning session, and you've gone vege on us, ven-is-on(e) going to get it right? (to get us back to where this started)

Mind you I still think fish/seafood is the best punning topic.

 

[marval]

Ven-is-on, good one Mike, sorry to go all veggie. I agree there are more puns fish wise.
I was trying to get rid of the meat puns but I know more will turnip eventually. In fact I'll steak my life on it.


Margaret

 

[Dorsetmike]

In fact I'll steak my life on it.

Margaret

I've heard rasher statements! (Usually a load of tripe.)

 

[marval]

Well Mike, I wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just hamming it up.

If you want something different for Sunday lunch, you had better go and bison.

I have to go now, I am off to the cinema to see "The loin king."


Margaret

 

[Soubasse]

"The loin king."

Oh good gravy!! We really are scraping the bottom of the pan here. Some people really have a hide.

 

[jhnbrbr]

Well, they are the most dangerous punslingers in the West!

 

[marval]

Well, they are the most dangerous punslingers in the West!

Good one John, well I have always relished wordplay and have a consuming interest in culinary puns, sometimes I will loaf around all day to find them. Hoping to get Brownie points.

Did you know my neighbour plays the organ in his garden to get organically grown food? His wife Rosemary was always late delivering packages. This prompted the head of International Herbs and Spices to call her supervisor, demanding to speak to the parcel sage about Rosemary and time.

 

[Dorsetmike]

UPUN my word!!

As well as puns I also love spoonerisms, malapropisms and limericks, although the latter don't really come under wordplay.

 

[jhnbrbr]

What's your favourite limerick then, Mike?

 

[Dorsetmike]

There was a young girl from the Cape
Who had an affair with an ape
The result was most horrid,
all bum and no forehead
plus one hairless ball like a grape

Most of the others are like an engagement ring,











a bit near the knuckle

 

[Soubasse]

As well as puns I also love spoonerisms, malapropisms and limericks, although the latter don't really come under wordplay.

+1 here for spoonerisms. I grew up with so many of Ronnie Barker's Rev Spooner skits. I have a feeling soon that malapropisms will become known as Bushisms since so many of the grammatical crimes that exited Dubya's mouth were in the same league.

One malapropism that remained a family joke for many years was to do with a former maid of my great-grandparents. She once warned off one of the children against using the water in a bucket because it had gone pregnant.

 

[Dorsetmike]

Another grey day here, so I'll be doing a jig saw again, I'm averaging just under 2 days for a 1000 piece puzzle.

I hate lots of sky in the picture on a puzzle so what did I get from the library ........ a puzzle with a collage of 11 airliners, mostly in flight, and what surrounds planes in flight?

Bluddy SKY

 

[marval]

I am trying to have an image of a pregnant bucket.

Heere are two malapropisms I like.

"We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks" This was said by Stan Laurel and one said by Dan Quale. "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."


This is the first limerick I remember hearing, it is an Edward Lear one.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said 'It is just as I feared,
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard.


Have fun with the sky Mike, I do jigsaw puzzles on my computer.


Margaret

 

[jhnbrbr]

I've always liked this limerick, but I'm not sure whether everyone will know it already. It needs to be spoken out loud ...

There was a young fellow from Clyde
Fell into a sewer and died
The next day his brother
Fell into another
And now they're interred side by side.

I also remember two funny poems by Ogden Nash:

I test my bath before I sit
And I'm always filled with wonderment
That what chills the finger not a whit
Is so frigid to the fundament!

(Personally I have the opposite problem - my "fundament" gets too hot and I have to stand up quickly!)

This one is about women wearing trousers ...

Go deck your lower limbs in pants
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting
You look divine as you advance
But have you seen yourself retreating?

 

[marval]

Hi John,

I hadn't heard that limerick, the Ogdon Nash ones are good.

This one I wrote, not very good.


The old man who said he was able
To dance on top of the table
Lost his footing and fell
And said you can't tell
Whose legs are really most stable


I like this one, I don't know who wrote it.

A girl from the Isle of Wight
Used to travel much faster than light
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

 

[Soubasse]

I am trying to have an image of a pregnant bucket.

Oops - I can see now I didn't make that clear. Her exact words were (I believe) "don't use that water, it's gone pregnant"

I recall with some fondness having to write limericks at school as part of a poetry exercise - some of them were even clean! (as opposed to having gone pregnant)

 

[jhnbrbr]

On BBC radio 3 recently they had a competition to write a serious (ie non-funny) limerick. That'a a very hard concept to get your head around.

Another interesting word competition from (I think) the Daily Telegraph was to sum up what it meant to be English in just five words. The winner was

Sorry, is this the queue?