Private Thread - Keep Out!

Dorsetmike

Member
Maybe cos I had peas as well.

I had what one might call a quiet Christmas albeit solitary.

I don't mind carols at Christmas but some of the "arrangements" and carol symphonies etc do get up the nose a bit, why can't they leave them alone.
 

marval

New member
There was just the two of us, we just had a quiet Christmas. Managed not to watch any television, we went to a friends today for a lovely roast lamb meal.

Now picture the scene, our friend was supposed to feed a friend's cat. He was given two keys for her front door, unfortunately one of the keys was the wrong one. There was no way that key was going to work, poor kitty inside meowing for food. After our meal he decided the only way to feed the cat was to fill an ice cube tray with lamb and potato mixture. He attached some string in the holes of the tray, and off we all went. We put the ice cube tray through the letter box, and hoped that it landed right way up and that kitty managed to eat their food. You couldn't make it up.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
Only one of me here, never watch TV anyway, chatted with various friends on Skype and MSN, kept an eye on the forums I subscribe to. Just another day except for the turkey and christmas pud.

Probably my next "live" conversation will be at the supermarket checkout next week.
 

marval

New member
Well I am glad that you had turkey and Christmas pud Mike. At least you were able to chat to friends. I quite often find that the most chatting I do is when I am shopping.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
My on line chatting, MSN and Skype, is normally text IMs, what I would term "live" chat/conversation is usually when shopping.
 

marval

New member
HaHa, I like it Mike.

You probably know this.

The most famous phrase that was never used in Doyle's original works was "Elementary, my dear Watson." This was used in the first sound film to feature the character.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
Eye halve a spilling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
 

Dorsetmike

Member
I knew someone who had a dog that wouldn't stop barking. They took it to the vets and after a few minutes, he gave it a kick. The dog stopped barking. All was well for a few days until it started barking again. My friend gave the dog a kick, but to no avail.

They took it back to the vet who gave it another kick and it stopped barking.
"I tried that but it didn't work.", said my friend.





"Ah", replied the vet, "You're not wearing Hush Puppies".








(For non UK members, Hush Puppies are a brand of shoe, not sure if they are available outside UK)
 

Dorsetmike

Member
from a discusion on a preserved railway forum today regarding property left on the trains there:

A baby, (Yes! BABY)



Seriously! On the luggage rack.On the last arrival of the day at XXXX



Needless to say it wasn't long before a panic stricken Mum came rushing down
the platform, just after the baby had been discovered by the person locking
up the train.



"I haven't had it very long" was her rather breathless explanation.
 

marval

New member
Haven't had it very long? Not a very good excuse Mike from her. I remember hearing about a man who left a false leg on the train.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
How Moses got the 10 commandments.

God went to the Arabs and said,
"I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living.."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shall not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
"Honor thy Father and Mother."

"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
"I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said,
"I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
"I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"

"They're free."

"We'll take 10."

There, that should offend just about everybody.
 
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