Private Thread - Keep Out!

jhnbrbr

New member
Philosophy for Beginners - Lesson 1.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. but in practice, there is.

jan L.A. van de snepsceut
 

marval

New member
I like them John.


This is what someone was reported to have said when they went to India for a holiday.

On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

I like this complaint.

It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.

Did you know? I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
Hamlet

This play is why people say "break a leg" to actors, because you can't make a Hamlet without breaking legs.

(dives into deep trench with tin hat on)
 

marval

New member
HaHa very funny Mike, I'll visit you in the trench.


Here's how to stay young.


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them!'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.' An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
 

jhnbrbr

New member
Some sound advice there, Margaret. I was amused when one of my neighbours celebrated his hundredth birthday a while back. The local paper did a short article about his life, and it turned out that at the start of WW2 he failed his army medical!
 

Dorsetmike

Member
Just received this by email, makes ya think.

How many zeros in a billion?


The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
Whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of it's releases.

A.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.

D.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E.
A billion Pounds ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes,
At the rate our government Is spending it.


Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Income Tax
Value added Tax
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Petrol/Diesel Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Alcohol Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Local (Council) Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Probably a few more Taxes

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
And our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
And Mum stayed home to raise the kids.


What the hell happened?????

What happened?

Can you spell 'politicians!'
 

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
Hold on there cobber I live at 87 and this is the first I've heard about it, :cry:
 

marval

New member
We don't have a number 87 in our close, still it is good to know that age is no barrier.


A few thoughts to share


I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
 

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
This one requires just a modicum of intelligence so most will get it,

If it takes a kilo and a half of Tripe to knit an Elephant a football jersey. why is a Mouse when its spinning???

Do you need a bit more time???


No I thought not:



Answer = Because the higher it gets the fewer,




you can’t help laughing can you :clap::clap::clap::clap::tiphat:
 

Dorsetmike

Member
I've now got the ideal "smiley" for some of my posts

grolft.jpg
 

marval

New member
I suppose I am not allowed to tell, because if I did my secret would be out.


I went to a restaurant today, there was a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.


Margaret
 

Dorsetmike

Member
Seeing as it's you Margaret, which woud you like to be?

I can't really see you being into the leather and whips; dancing girl maybe; is there a coven near you? I don't really want to end up in your cauldron; skipping to totaly angelic, hmmmmm, don't think you'd enjoy that, so has to be the devillish angel, probably with a 75/25 % split but I'm not saying which is 25 and which 75.

sofa.gif
 

Chi_townPhilly

Sr. Regulator
Sr. Regulator
Here's one from our side of the pond

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend
Yeah. This week marks the one-year anniversary of the notorious "American Recovery & Re-Investment Act" (a.k.a.: the "Stimulus Package"). The price-tag of that construct was $787 billion (in the American sense- billion meaning a-thousand-million). [Do they still use the term "milliard" in the UK?]

The amount of liability involved in that number may be illustrated by the following example-

Start with when Jesus Christ was born-
Spend a million dollars a day- every day- without fail.
How long will it take to spend the amount of money equivalent to the "Stimulus Package" money?

1099 A.D.: Godfrey of Boullion lays siege to Jerusalem- the defining act of the First Crusade. We're about half-way there.

1492 A.D.: Columbus sets foot on Watling Is. (Bahamas)- we've spent not quite 70% of the amount.

2010 A.D.: The present day- we're not there yet. We still need to do nearly a century-and-a-half of spending before we've matched the sum.

Frightening. Reckless, perilous, and absolutely frightening.:shake:
 
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