Problem sleeping

Colorful Mage

New member
Let me begin this post by saying that I am physically very healthy - I do not have any physical problem sleeping.

I do have a mental problem. Many nights (including tonight - this is why I'm typing this) I lay down, and I try to imagine blankness. And then I get this horrible feeling. I feel that once I go to sleep, I will die. I'm very alive right now, so alive that I feel every tiny sensation around me. But I am so happy right now that I can't go to sleep. Because... when I wake up, that's later. Sleep puts life temporarily on hold; I cannot live while I'm sleeping, but I can't live without sleep. When I wake up, I will be different. I won't be the me that I am now. Like the phoenix of old lore, I will die in my sleep and be reborn as a figure only slightly resembling myself.

I don't know why this is - I feel so powerful, so alive right now that I can't go to sleep. What guarantee have I that I will indeed wake up in the morning, refreshed and alive? How can I possibly willingly die and be reborn? I cannot. I thought I had accepted death, but yet I am scared to go to sleep?

I guess I should specify - I am not scared that I will die in my sleep, per ce, but rather that I will be left with an empty feeling. I feel that any energy within me will be lost upon slumber, and the me that experiences the rest of my life will be a complete stranger.

Sorry; now I'm repeating myself over again. But this is a serious problem for me. What should I do?
 

Thomas Dressler

New member
It would be hard for anyone to really tell you what to do or even what the problem is just by reading and writing posts on the internet, and it's really not the place of an untrained person to try to give a diagnosis. What you're describing sounds a lot like the kind of thing I used to think about. . .and artistic personalities tend to dwell on some pretty unusual things. I think it's just because we think about things differently and more than most.

I hesitate to say this because I'm afraid you're going to take it wrong, but I'll say it. I think finding a good psychologist who likes working with artistic personalities can be really helpful. Artistic people do have a tendency towards certain kinds of thinking which can be difficult and sometimes a real problem. Some of the more common things artists deal with often include ADD (I am ADD), bipolar disorder, and panic disorder (I had those in my 20s and 30s, too, and can still get them under the right circumstances.)

Seeing a psychologist does not imply there's something wrong with you. In the case of an artist, it helps you cope with the fact that we're different from a lot of other people, and it helps you to find your strengths. In a sense, it helps you recognize what's RIGHT with you, even if its different from most other people.

As to what you're specifically describing, I guess it would be possible to get into a discussion of it, but you seem like the kind of person who has already thought about the fact that all of us are changing all the time. If there's one thing that has helped me when I got stuck on one thing or another, it has been to look around me and consider the people around me and how they go through similar things. Sometimes the art of living is similar to the art of playing an instrument--you have to let go of obsessing over technique, and just do it.

Best wishes to you!
smile.gif


Tom
 

rojo

(Ret)
Well, I personally would avoid trying to imagine blankness. Maybe you could try thinking about the fact that right now, you feel happy, and that chances are very good that you will feel that way again.

You`re not alone; many people have sleep issues. If it becomes serious, ie interferes with your everyday life, there are plenty of resources and folks that can help you.

Life is full of ups and downs, we all have them. Sometimes we feel things won`t be better, but often we can get a new perspective...

Of course there are no guarantees in life; maybe just try to enjoy the here and now? Maybe you`re just a night person (like me- I always feel at my best in the late evening, and when I get up, I feel like crap- go figure)

Hope this helps...
smile.gif
 

Colorful Mage

New member
Thomas:

I can appreciate that you would not try to give specific advice over the internet. I was not really expecting a psychologist, but rather other people to respond to me, with small suggestions that they know from experience and have seen from others, which is exactly what you have done. Thank you.

And I also appreciate your suggestion towards seeing a psychologist. My dad suggested the same last night when I asked him about it. I think I may just do that; maybe it will help. The only thing that worries me slightly about it is that I feel that normally, mentally, I am supremely healthy. I can't remember the last time I was angry or morally confused. I help people all the time, and don't even consider hurting them intentionally. Although, since I had that incident last night (and it is indeed a recurring one. One night every couple of months is spent with my lying in bed, scared of something that I can't figure out.), I wonder if there is some facet of my personality that I have missed in my grand swoops of intraspection.
You are very correct in saying that I have already considered that we are constantly changing (Heraclitus was the first to really make this a popular way of thinking, was he not?). Maybe this is what bothered me the most about trying to go to sleep last night. It felt like when I woke up, I would be gone. That little spark, the vibrancy in life that I felt then, would disappear forever. And now, in the morning after, I do not feel it. I feel like I am someone else, but now I'm very happy that I went to sleep, because that specific action produced the me that exists currently.
I am not someone who looks at the past with any regret or contempt because I am prefectly content with reality as it is. But, I am scared of the future. Maybe this is a passing phase (as a teenager)? Maybe I haven't really accepted death and this is just a minor ramification of that? But as I stated earlier, the only reason this bothers me is because it seems like poor mental health in one aspect, and I can't identify it so I can't fix it yet. Normally, whenever I have a problem, it's no big deal; I'll tell myself to quit that bad behavior, and I always have.

rojo:

Thanks for the suggestions. I will try to not imagine blankness next time this happens to me, but when I do that, it just happens that I get a flood of thoughts into my head, and they don't go away for a couple of hours, cutting into my precious sleep time. And, as crazy as this sounds, that feeling was beyond logic. As much as my logic tried to destroy the feeling, the emotion was... above it. Somehow I didn't know how to explain the emotion logically, so I could not even begin to attack it from a logical viewpoint. I can only blame this on my lack of experience in life; I have not yet gained sufficient knowledge and wisdom.
But, you are right in saying that I'm a night person. I feel very groggy right now, and the spark that I felt last night is now gone, but I'm hoping that it will return to me later.

If no one else is asleep next time this happens to me, I will try composing something on the piano. It will be interesting, I think.
grin.gif
 

Priest

Commodore of Impending Doom II
I often have an abundance of energy building up.. sex is a good way to get around this subject, a fight(not saying you should go out and press a fight.. but I often fight with some of my friends.. and that's a pretty nice way to burn of energy.. it gets meditative in some extent) or run..

Your physical and mental is often tight closely together.. after all brain and body is part of the same organism.. both of them have to be stimulated and taken care of. I'm not some health freak.. I've been pretty bad to my body during the years.. propably my reason for not sleeping much myself..

If you have trouble sleeping.. well.. use it for something. I often take myself in getting caught in working with a picture, some writing or some filmproject.. and find out that I in sheer ecstacy have been awake for several days without really thinking about my physical and mental needs..


else.. I can propably find you some writings about regulations of laws for agriculture in Denmark in the 16th - 18th century.. Trust me.. you would long for dreamland right away..



else there is only one thing to say

"But I don't want to go amongst mad people", Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here.
I'm mad, you're mad"
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or else you wouldn't have come here."
 

Gareth

Commodore of Water Music
Hey, I must say that that is a very good idea, do something that you like, I don't think I have these problems, nor am I afraid, you might disagree, I am religious and I just believe that there is something there, I put my trust in God and everything, yeah not everything will work out the way you want to, but at least you would feel alot better, when you know the root of disaster (everything happens for a reason) and everything like that, I mean you people might disagree, but I do believe.
 

Swaft

New member
You are not alone Mage, I think to the death everytime I try to sleep because I am scared to lost everything. I am scared of waking up in the morning and not recognizing anything around me. I said to myself: "This will never happen, it is stupid." Convincing myself did work. However I almost never sleep at night like most of artistic people I know. Night is full of inspiration to me. I go for a walk most of the time and enjoy many aspects of the life that most people will never see. I am kind of weirdo because I can look at falling leaves (or snowflakes at this time of the year) for hours and create a story in my head. I guess this is why I am so different from other young adults. I though I was the only one thinking the way I do, but this year I met people while walking and we formed a group of friends along the summer. All of them are artists and I do not wonder why, because we are different thats it.

I think you shouldn't ask yourself if you are in good mental health. Like Thomas said, it is probably a phase. Everyone have these "phases" it only changes its form depending on our own situation in the society, see my point?

If you think you should talk to someone qualified about it go for the psychologist. However, it won't hurt you, even if it doesn't solve the problem.

I wish you will find a solution.

Kenny L.
 

Priest

Commodore of Impending Doom II
Hey, I must say that that is a very good idea, do something that you like, I don't think I have these problems, nor am I afraid, you might disagree, I am religious and I just believe that there is something there, I put my trust in God and everything, yeah not everything will work out the way you want to, but at least you would feel alot better, when you know the root of disaster (everything happens for a reason) and everything like that, I mean you people might disagree, but I do believe.


I find this kinda ironic in some sort of way.. sorry to go a little off-topic.
But if you look into religious scripts, the way that God present people once in awhile is often the most troublesome. If you can get screwed over and over again until no things have meaning, but you still are able to walk a bright path with your faith unharmed..
sorry but I'm not sure why believing should be a way to reroute sleeping disorder..
.. and then again. Sleeping disorder usually occur because lack of meaning or too many thoughts. So it might solve the first, but in a world as we have it now and you are into practicing good christian values, I'd say you should be pretty busy cleaning up in the mess we have in our world now.. and then it should be troublesome to have a good nights sleep, because there are many things that can be done out there..

but as I see it believers often have a hard time getting their hands dirty.. rather close ones eyes and be blinded by faith.
 

Gareth

Commodore of Water Music
I meant to restate that, I meant to say, that I am not afraid of dying, not that faith plays a part that you can't sleep, missed out a word. Yes, there are many things out there, but somethings happen for a reason, these things are meant to happen it says so, factual proof. I have found it, a book with lots of books, namely the bible. Whom was written by people influenced by God, before medieval ages, AD 400 or somewhere around there.
 

Swaft

New member
Even if im not 1% believing in religion I do believe that everything happen for a reason but I disagree that "god" or "Jesus" or whatever you want to call it depending on the religion is behind that. In MY own opinion all the bible books were the first stories written and people who firtly found them though it was true. But I do respect religious people because they can believe in what they want and I have nothing to do with it.


(sorry because im sooo off-topic)
 

bainsk8

New member
Colorful Mage

I have this same problem, firstly let me point out it is 4:11am at the moment and guess what? You got it, I can't sleep and nor do I want to. My brain is running fast and with every key I press on the keyboard gives me more excitement to stay awake.

I'm 34 years old and have had this problem since child, doctors thought it was because I was hyperactive?? Wrong try again doctor!
Ok the doctors still don't know what it is today. I do because not only have I lived with it for some time now, but I have (like what your doing now) analysed it to look for an answer.

With me, (I say that because your reasons maybe different) I have unconscious low periods, not so many as I use to because I have learnt to recognise them. I found that things in day to day life annoyed me and rather than express my feelings I suppressed them and I got on with the things that annoyed me. Now I am older I'm more confident and release the presure caused by frustration as soon as I see it. I liked what Priest said about releasing built up energy, this is so true and this is what I do at the right time of doing it.

Why am I awake at this time of the morning I hear you all asking. I am awake because I am moving back to the UK from Holland in two weeks and it is stressing me out that I can't get things organised easily. I have been releasing the pressure when I see it but I have had a weeks holiday, spent thinking and no real reason to release any pressure and because I finally got the telephone call from the removal people today reassuring me that things would go smoothly I am having this high of energy and excitement that has been building for the last couple of weeks.

I use to have this once a month as a child but now I get it once a year if I'm lucky! You will see the signs by back tracking the weeks or days leading up to not being able to sleep and feeling the way you do. Don't think your crazy, as you are no more crazier than the next man. Ok he is really crazy, what about the man after him. (Only joking).

There is madness in us all my friend, some of us recognise and admit to it more than others and that's truth of it. I'm off to raid the kitchen for food and play a game of pc chess. Take care and hope this helps you to understand a bit more.

If you can't relate to this then lay off the chocolate, coffee, coke-cola and anything else with caffeine in it. Peace
 

Gareth

Commodore of Water Music
Yeah, that is so true, I reckon, just releasing energy, do some more exercise during the day maybe? Or just read a book for about 1hour, and then go to sleep straight afterwards reading seems to relax me. Yeah, caffeine, not good before you go to bed, keeps me up!!!! :p
 

Swaft

New member
Ahah, I just drunk 2 cafes in 2 hours, eat chocolate and I am currently drinking coka-cola. Do not try that at home
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Although its 6:08am and I work in 3 hours I am perfectly awake which is bad. But eh, thats the life I choose.
 

sondance

Member
I guess I should specify - I am not scared that I will die in my sleep, per ce, but rather that I will be left with an empty feeling. I feel that any energy within me will be lost upon slumber, and the me that experiences the rest of my life will be a complete stranger.

Colorful Mage - my experience is that I can sometimes artistically reach out to take hold of perceptions that are simply beyond my reach. At some point life just reminds me I have limitations and I have to let some things go.

I have also woken up with radically different feelings than I had the prior evening. Another of my limitations, I cannot control emotions like I can my thoughts. Emotions respond to too many stimuli that are beyond my influence, may be something as simple as weather... a stormy night, a foggy morning, a peaceful sunset with crickets singing. The timing of such events may coincide with other uncontrollable events, national or personal tragedies like 9/11, an 'A' on an important test at school, learning a new skill that opens up whole new venues of expression, etc. It helps me to remember that emotions are fickle and can fly off without rational restraint. Maybe there is a need to relieve tensions as has been discussed above, or maybe there is a need to give oneself time to think things through. It is not always necessary to react to a given feeling immediately. If the feelings are causing anxiety or concern and time is available, then I let time do its work.

Feelings change with time. It does not mean we are somebody else. People go through changes. This is natural and does not mean we are no longer who we were. I might be called a 52 year old idealist: that is my age and folks have called me an idealist many times. One thing I have learned is that though there are ways things "should" be, there are ways things <u>are</u> and it is not up to me. I have no say in the matter as much as I might object. We have limitations and life gets easier when we learn to accept them at the same time we challenge them. "Pick your fight" is another way to say it.

I have found it, a book with lots of books, namely the bible. Whom was written by people influenced by God, before medieval ages, AD 400 or somewhere around there.

Gareth - the Hebrew books of the Bible (or Old Testament) were written hundreds of years BC and the Christian books of the Bible (or New Testament) were written in the first century. Later centuries saw the production of books that contradicted these scriptures, hence it was necessary in AD 451 at the Council of Chalcedon to clarify which books were accepted as scriptures and which were not. This is the simple historical view of the church. For a more thorough discussion I recommend this article: http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=689

I take great comfort in the notion that God did not wait until I made up mind about Him to be active in the affairs of man. He is the great Artist. The word used by Saint Paul in one Bible book to describe God's people is in English letters: "poiema" . You can see the word "poem" in that. This scripture reads, "For we are His worksmanship(poiema), created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10)


but in a world as we have it now and you are into practicing good christian values, I'd say you should be pretty busy cleaning up in the mess we have in our world now.. and then it should be troublesome to have a good nights sleep, because there are many things that can be done out there..
but as I see it believers often have a hard time getting their hands dirty.. rather close ones eyes and be blinded by faith.
Priest - I am sorry there have been no good examples of Christian work (to clean up the mess of the world) for you to observe. If that is the case, and you are interested in good examples let me know. The world does get a bit messy. I try to leave it better than I found it. How am I doing so far:)?
It helps if I stop believing that man has any capability to change things for the better on his own. You see, believing is something we all do. It is not religion, it is how we function. There was this Danish fellow, Kierkegaard, he had a lot to say about belief. Do you still study his works in Denmark? Could it be the irony is that it takes real faith to make real improvements? Mother Theresa said something like she did not have time to judge people because there was only enough time to do the things of love.
My observation of people suggests that those who close their eyes and pretend suffering and wrong do not exist come from all sorts of folks, believers or not.
 
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