Musical jokes


New member
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the green room after a concert.

"There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire."

"Did you hear Handel has teamed up with Hinge and Bracket?

They've formed The Doors.


New member
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, 'I bet £50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play.' The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty pounds. The next guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a fantastic jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty pounds to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out the back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus,'Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred pounds.'

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them over, has another look from another angle. Puzzled, the octopus's owner interrupts his pet's concentration,saying, 'What are you messing around for? Hurry up and play it!'

The octopus says, "Play it? Huh? I was still trying to figure out how to take of her pyjamas."


New member
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honour," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"


New member
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch.

"Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."

The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."

The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your neighbours did."


New member
A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but is having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls an agent who tells him, "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinettist."

The conductor replies, "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem."

"Well," replies the agent, "that's all I've got."All right," says the conductor, "I'm getting pretty desperate,so I guess I'll have to take him."

The first rehearsal is a week later. The conductor arrives early and notices the new clarinettist, wearing a suit and tie, with a pencil on his stand,sitting on stage practicing his part.

During the rehearsal, the clarinettist plays his part quite well, and is responsive to all the conductor's requests. At the second rehearsal, a week later, the same thing happens. This time, the clarinettist turns in a nearly perfect performance.

One week later, at the final dress rehearsal, this occurs again, with the clarinettist now playing his part flawlessly.

At the break in the rehearsal, the conductor says to the orchestra, "I've got an apology to make. I was really dreading having to work with a jazz musician, but I must say that our clarinet player has certainly proved me wrong. He is always neatly dressed, he was always here early for the rehearsals, working on the part, and he has really learned the music."

Then, to the clarinet player he says, "I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate your effort and dedication."

To which the clarinettist replies, "Hey man, it's the least I can do,considering I can't make it to the show."
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Harvest festival our organist would improvise whilst the children brought up the produce. One such Sunday “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” came out on the pedal line. ??????


Harvest festival our organist would improvise whilst the children brought up the produce. One such Sunday “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” came out on the pedal line. ������

Lovely one! I bet the congregation loved it. ;)

Welcome to the forum , I hope you like it here.
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New member
[FONT=&quot]Why do drummers have lots of kids?
[FONT=&quot]They're not too good at the Rhythm Method.

[FONT=&quot]What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
[FONT=&quot]"Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"[/FONT]