Musical jokes

Mat

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Here are some music terms:

Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.

Di lasso: Popular with Italian cowboys.

[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]English horn: A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German.
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Corno Dolce

Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Hello Mat,

Yep, the music of Orlando di Lasso is Italian Cowboy Music

Maybe it could also be *Musica di Contadini* :):D;):grin::cool::smirk::clap::crazy::nut::ut:
:whistle::banana:

Cheers,

Corno Dolce
 

methodistgirl

New member
I have another musical joke. What did the organ say to the piano?
My you're grand!
What did the piano say to the organ?
Man you're swell!
judy tooley
 

marval

New member
Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After two weeks they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee from the front of house.
Joe duly took his break , back in the pit that evening Moe asked how it was.
Great said Joe. You know that bit where the music goes Boom Boom Boom Boom, well there are some guys uptop singing a teriffic song about a torreador at the same time.
 

Mat

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There was a boy in kindergarten who played the viola. One day, he came home and said, "Mommy, today we practiced counting! I got all the way up to 10, but most of the kids messed up around 6 or 7!!!" and his mom said, "Good, that's because you're a violist." The next day he came home and said, "Mommy, today we practiced the alphabet! I got all the way to the end, but most of the kids got messed up around "s" or "t"!" and his mom said, "Good, that's because you're a violist." The next day, he came home and said "Mommy, guess what, they measured us today and I'm the tallest person in the whole class!!! Is that because I'm a violist, too?" and his mom said, "No, dear, that's because you're 25 years old."
 

Mat

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If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating.


A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"


What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.


What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?On or off.


What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.


A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times,
always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks
him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."


A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah. He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?" The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?


The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"
 

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
What's the difference between and orchestra and a bull?

Well the orchestra has the horns at the back and the asshole at the front.
 

marval

New member
This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane he hears drums, he thinks "Wow, this is cool."

He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears the drums. He goes to the luau (Hawaiian feast), he hears drums, he TRIES to sleep, he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums.

Finally he goes down to the front desk, When he gets there he asks the manager, "Hey! what's with these drums, don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says "No! Drums must NEVER stop, very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop......Bass solo begins."
 

marval

New member
A blonde drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some real musical instruments.

He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk and says, "I'll have that red trumpet over there and that accordion."

The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies. "OK you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has got to stay."
 

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
A blonde drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some real musical instruments.

He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk and says, "I'll have that red trumpet over there and that accordion."

The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies. "OK you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has got to stay."

Ms. Margaret

:clap::lol::clap::lol::clap::lol::clap::lol:, you obviously know about drummers. :cool::cool:
 

Deeru Piotr

New member
Ms. Margaret

:clap::lol::clap::lol::clap::lol::clap::lol:, you obviously know about drummers. :cool::cool:
hey I'm a drummer! and I didn't feel identified with that :grin:

a good one about drummers:
how you know when the drummer is knocking at the door?
when the knocks are getting faster!
 

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
hey I'm a drummer! and I didn't feel identified with that :grin:

a good one about drummers:
how you know when the drummer is knocking at the door?
when the knocks are getting faster!

I always took you for a drummer Deeru Piotr, no doubts about it :tiphat::clap::banana::trp::smash::banghead::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
In a band, it's the drummer I pay close attention to. :)

C5Says

Who else are there in a band, who can make such unbelievable unstructured loud noice, but a drummer. The rest of the band, as you remember, have to use amplifiers for even being heard :tiphat::clap::banana::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:

What is this arguement from you on another thread that no one seemed to have missed you C5Says? I did, and I even wrote it straight to you from the bottom of my heart - way down - about who but you would have thought of giving this sissy dane, scared by a few ants a beach towel?

I guess the memory among cat-people are somewhat overrated :rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

marval

New member
Operas that never made it.

Britten: A Midsummer Nightmare.
Mozart: The Magic Tuba.
Puccini: La Bamba.
Rossini: The Plumber of Seville.
Verdi: Rigatoni.
 

C5Says

New member
C5Says

Who else are there in a band, who can make such unbelievable unstructured loud noice, but a drummer. The rest of the band, as you remember, have to use amplifiers for even being heard :tiphat::clap::banana::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:

What is this arguement from you on another thread that no one seemed to have missed you C5Says? I did, and I even wrote it straight to you from the bottom of my heart - way down - about who but you would have thought of giving this sissy dane, scared by a few ants a beach towel?

I guess the memory among cat-people are somewhat overrated :rolleyes::rolleyes:

LOL...I just saw this now... :D

It's the elephant that enjoys good memory...but poor memory has its advantages too! :)
 

marval

New member
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."



Margaret
 
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