Why wasn't J.S. Bach at the classical concert?
Because he was Baroque.
HAYDN'S CHOPIN LISZT AT VIVALDI'S:
Rossini and cheese
Oscar Meyerbeer bologna
Hummel microwave meals
Chef Boyardee Raveli
sour cream and Ives
chocolate Webers (wafers)
Del Monteverdi corn
I Can't Believe it's not Rutter
Bach of serial (opera)
new door Handel
Little Debussy snack cakes
Commandments for Concert Goers: I
Thou shalt hearken unto the music with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and all thy mind, to aid thee in thine endeavour. Study thou thy program notes and hereby be sore fully prepared to garner the blessings of the inspired melodies which are about to be sounded. II
Thou shalt not arrive late, for the stir of thy coming disturbeth those who did come in due season; neither shalt thou rush forth as a great wind at intermission time or before the end of the program; nor shalt thou trample to thy left nor thy right the ushers or the doormen or the multitudes that are about thee. III
Thou shalt keep in check thy coughings and thy sneezings for they are an abomination, and they shall bring forth evil execrations upon thee and thy household, even unto the third and fourth generations. IV
Thou shalt not rustle thy program for the noise thereof is not as the murmur of the leaves of the forest but brash and raucous and soothest not. V
Thou shalt not "yahoo" unto thy relatives, nor to thy friends, nor to any member of thy lodge or of thy household, nor to any of thy neighbours. VI
Thou shalt not whisper, for thy mouthings, howsoever hushed they may be, bring discord to the ear of those who sit about thee. VII
Thou shalt not chew gum with great show of sound or motion. Remember that thou art not as the kind of the meadow who do chew the cud in the pastoral serenity which is vouchsafed them. VIII
Thou shalt not direct thy index finger at persons of public note and say unto thy neighbour, "Yonder goeth so and so," but reflect that some day thou shalt perchance be a celebrity, and thou shalt be in great discomfort when thou art pointed at and thou shalt not be pleased one jot or tittle thereby. IX
Thou shalt not slumber, for in thy stupor thou hast ears and heareth not; peradventures thou possesseth a rumbling obligato when thou sleepeth, and verily, the rabble may be aroused thereby to do thee grievous harm. X
Thou shalt not become a self-ordained music critic and with booming voice comment garrulously about the players or the playing; neither shalt thou hum, or tap thy foot; for thou hast come as a listener and a lover of music, not as a critic nor as a performer, and remember that none among the multitudes has paid admission to hear thy hummings or thy tapings or to listen unto thine opinion.
Naomi sei fantastica! ex violinist, hung out with bassonists, mother a violist and father an oboist--and I'm the worst of all, a Wagnerian soprano!
drummers have it easy in comparison!
Thanks for the fun!