My cat Smilla died the day before yesterday on the 27th of April. She had liver cancer which had begun to spread, and there was nothing which could be done to save her, so this Friday in the early afternoon she was peacefully euthanized. The last thing she saw and heard in this world was me and my mother (who also loved her) talking to her and kissing her goodbye. I laid her to rest in the garden under a blooming apple tree later that day.
It's hard for me to express how dear Smilla was to me, and I know it must be difficult, if not impossible, to understand how close and connected you can get to a cat unless you have experienced it yourself. I can perfectly understand that it may even seem ridiculous, but please bear with me.
I had Smilla for 13 years through both hardships and good times. She was so faithful and loyal it's hard to imagine. I trusted her more than I trust most people and her devotion was unconditional (Not once in those thirteen years has she ever "turned against" or tried to scratch me, not once, and I feel silly for even mentioning that as it was so far from her nature and sense of loyalty as can anything be). Every day when I was in the studio composing she would lay on a blanket right next to me, listening to me working, then taking a nap and waking up and listening to the music again. Every day. Sometimes she would sit on my lap of a while, purring, and making it hard for me to concentrate but most of the time just lying next to me for hours and hours. When she got ill she did not withdraw but instead she got even more affectionate if possible.
Yes, Smilla was very dear to me and I don't even feel ashamed admitting that I wept when I kissed her goodbye, while she left this world.
I miss her.