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Thread: Private Thread - Keep Out!

  1. #526
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Well done Soubasse.


    Margaret

  2. #527
    Commodore con Forza
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    Here's another soppy love story! Yuk!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

  3. #528
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    I see what you mean about soppy. Still it had a happy ending.


    Margaret

  4. #529
    Commodore con Forza
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    It did, Margaret, and while it didn't have much realism about it, I still found it quite thought provoking.

  5. #530
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Yes, I agree, next please.

    This is love on a chess board.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QmnpUS6mro


    Margaret

  6. #531
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    And now something for all who visit this thread,


    Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline . . .


    • If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
    • If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
    • If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
    • If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we trace the call.
    • If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what to do next.
    • If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.
    • If you are paranoid, the thing you are holding to your ear is armed and ready to blow.
    • If you are Oedipal, your mother would like to speak with you - please stay on the line.
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  7. #532
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Also some ideas for Christmas cards and carols


    SCHIZOPHRENIA:
    Do you hear what I hear?

    MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    We three queens, as disoriented as we are, bring gifts…

    DEMENTIA:
    I think I'll be home for Christmas

    NARCISSISTIC:
    Hark the herald angels sing about Me

    MANIC:
    Deck the halls and walls and house and lawn and,
    streets and stores and office and town and cars and,
    busses and trucks and trees and fire hydrants and...

    PARANOID:
    Santa Claus is coming to get me.

    PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    You better watch out,
    I'm gonna cry,
    I'm gonna pout,
    maybe I'll tell you why.

    DEPRESSION:
    Silent night, holy night, all is flat, all is lonely.

    PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY:
    On the first day of Chstmas my true love gave to me
    (and then took it all away).

    BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
    Thoughts of roasting on an open fire.

    OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER:
    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock.

    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock.

    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock.

    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
    Jingle bell rock, jingle bell rock.

    Jingle bell, jingle bell …………….. (better start again)
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  8. #533
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Some funny ones there Mike, I liked them.



    For those of you thinking about attending an opera, try reading this first.


    GUIDE FOR THE OPERA IMPAIRED

    By Madeleine Begun Kane


    There will inevitably come a day when some misanthrope, posing as a pal, drags you to The Opera. Do not panic ... unless Richard Wagner composed the opera, in which case playing dead will help you match the mood of the music.
    But even if you have the relative good fortune to see an opera by one of the "I" composers -- Verdi, Rossini, or Puccini - - you will have to prepare for your ordeal. Six years in a music conservatory chained to opera-oozing headphones should suffice. Or ... you could read this guide.


    WHAT TO WEAR:
    Clean and pressed evening attire should be worn to any opera performance ... with the possible exception of "opera under the stars." Why dress up to spend an evening scrunched in the dark in seats apparently designed for pygmies? Good question! So you will not embarrass your escort during intermissions ... in the unlikely event he or she makes it back from the bathroom.

    WHAT'S GOING ON:
    Chances are, the opera won't be in English. I know -- it's shocking. But even those relatively nice "I" composers had the audacity to favour Italian. (You know how rude and inconsiderate foreigners can be.)
    Although this can make it tougher to know what's going on, there's no need to panic. Most opera companies thoughtfully provide translations in pamphlets called libretti. Not only do libretti provide helpful plot clues, but they can be tossed at the stage in the absence of fruit.
    Additionally, many opera companies project English translations onto screens throughout the performance, providing a handy excuse not to look at the singers.
    But thanks to new federal legislation, such opera aids will soon be unnecessary. Starting next year, all operas will be required to comply with "The Uniform Opera Plot Act" aka "Leave No Opera Hater Behind," which I've reproduced here for your convenience:

    Whereas, Opera is an elitist art, which shouldn't be funded by the NEA; and
    Whereas, Nobody understands it.
    Now, therefore, all opera plots shall be as follows:


    ACT ONE: Man and woman meet and fall in love, and everything is hunky-dory.

    ACT TWO: An obstacle to man and woman's happiness rears its ugly head. It may be another man, another woman, one or more parents, a terrible misunderstanding, a war, or a dread disease. This obstacle shall make both of them (and the audience) miserable for an interminable period of time.

    ACT THREE: The suffering man and woman bemoan their tragic circumstances at the top of their lungs for at least one hour. Right before the final curtain, the soprano (i.e., the very large woman who's given you a terrible headache) dies. The entire audience cheers, and she takes many bows, mistakenly thinking the cheers are for her singing ... and not her death.

    HOW TO SCORE BROWNIE POINTS:
    Your evening won't be complete unless you impress your date. To create the illusion that you are an educated opera buff, simply memorize these insightful observations: (Note: You needn't understand these comments. Nobody does.)
    I've heard better high C's.
    His vibrato sounded wide, don't you think?
    Beethoven should have stuck to symphonies.
    She's no Callas.
    He's no Pavarotti.
    Pavarotti's no Pavarotti.

    HOW TO BEHAVE:
    You're nearly ready for your opening act. Just master these etiquette rules and let the overture begin:
    1. Singing along should be limited to the loud parts.
    2. Yelling "Your voice stinks, you lousy bum!" is discouraged ... unless you're in Italy.
    3. Using the conductor for target practice is frowned upon ... except by the musicians.
    4. If you must chew gum, masticate in rhythm.

    WHEN CAN I LEAVE:
    The opera isn't over until the fat lady sings ... and sings ... and sings.






  9. #534
    Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler Corno Dolce's Avatar
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    Hey DorsetMike,

    We three Queens??? Hopefully not Ru-Paul x 3
    *If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action God will hear everything that he asks* -Abba Zeno-

    *Protagoras: "Truth is subjective. What is true for you, and what is true for me, is true for me. Your opinion is true by virtue of its being your opinion."

    *Socrates: "My opinion is: Truth is absolute, not opinion, and that you are in absolute error. Since this is my opinion, then according to your philosophy you must grant that it is true."

    "Improvisational Art": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSxVO3EoCRM

  10. #535
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Ru-paul along with Lily Savage and Dame Edna Everage. What an interesting mixture.


    Margaret

  11. #536
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Camp as a row of tents one might say.
    Cheers MIKE.

    How many roads must a man walk down ... ... before he admits he's lost?

  12. #537
    Commodore con Forza Soubasse's Avatar
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    One saying down here was "Camp as a Scout jamboree"
    Music is made to transform the states of the soul, for an hour or an instant (J. Alain)

  13. #538
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    Apparently, the newest recruit to the ranks of female impersonators is the multi-talented John Barrowman (aka Captain Jack). He seems to have all bases covered, being an openly gay man, and a massive female heart-throb at the same time. I have it on good authority from a female friend who attended one of his concerts that knickers were thrown onstage. (She didn't throw hers - but only because she was wearing trousers and couldn't get them off!)

  14. #539
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    I always found it a bit strange, the fascination for him by women.

    Of course who can forget this one the wonderful Danny La Rue.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_uoZDR3-BA


    Margaret

  15. #540
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    Yes, he had some amazing costumes, and in that clip we saw a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man singing about a woman - as if life wasn't complicated enough already! I think he always performed under his male name of Danny la Rue, but the more recent impersonators give the female character a name, so she takes on a life of her own, and can even have her own chat show, etc. Does anyone remember Dame Edna doing a one-woman musical extravaganza at the Royal Albert Hall called "Last Night of the Poms" complete with orchestra, chorus, organ, conductor, etc? I was mightily impressed at the time, but unfortunately, no trace of it seems to have survived on YT.

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