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Thread: Musical jokes

  1. #61
    Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.) intet_at_tabe's Avatar
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    A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says,

    "Very bad when the drumming stops."

    At the end of the day, the drumming is still going on and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant.

    "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

    After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

    "Bass solo."
    Best regards,
    intet_at_tabe

  2. #62
    Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.) intet_at_tabe's Avatar
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    Here are some quotes attributed to Frank Zappa, one of America's best musicians, composers, and satirists.
    1. Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
    2. Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.
    3. Tobacco is my favorite vegetable.
    4. There is no hell. There is only France.
    5. Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
    6. Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
    7. It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner.
    8. A mind is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it's not open.
    9. If we can't be free at least we can be cheap.
    10. Sometimes you got to get sick before you can feel better.
    11. You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
    12. There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate involved.
    13. Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph.
    14. Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?
    15. Outdoors for me is walking from the car to the ticket desk at the airport
    16. You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!
    17. You have just destroyed one model XQJ-37 nuclear powered pansexual roto-plooker....and you're gonna have to pay for it.
    18. Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
      FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"
    19. Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible.
    20. Who are the brain police?
    21. The people of your century no longer require the service of composers.
      A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway.
    22. There are more love songs than anything else.
      If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
    23. Hey, you know something people? I'm not black, but there's a whole lots a times I wish I could say I'm not white.
    24. Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass.
    25. Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
    26. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    27. There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!
    28. May your **** come to life and kiss you on the face.
    29. Let's not be too rough on our own ignorance, it's what makes America great.
    30. Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST.
    31. Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.
    32. The creation and destruction of harmonic and 'statistical' tensions is essential to the maintenance of compositional drama. Any composition (or improvisation) which remains consonant and 'regular' throughout is, for me, equivalent to watching a movie with only 'good guys' in it, or eating cottage cheese.
    Best regards,
    intet_at_tabe

  3. #63
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Hi Intet

    Some of those are funny.

    Thank you from Zoot.


    Margaret

  4. #64
    Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.) intet_at_tabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    Hi Intet

    Some of those are funny.

    Thank you from Zoot.


    Margaret
    Ms. Margaret

    Is Zoot a Zappa fan as well? Kinda like Zoot better and better Well if he is, he will remember the saxophone player from the Mothers - Napoleon Murphy Brock.

    I really dig some of these quotes from Frank Zappa:

    Interviewer: "So you have long hair Frank. Does that make you a woman?".
    FZ: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?", remembering what sort of incredibly stupid questions interviewers can ask a rock celebrity.

    During the 1970´s I attended all Frank Zappa concerts in Denmark, like with Santana - 7 concerts in all.

    Have a great weekend the two of you, hopefully bathing in sunshine.
    Best regards,
    intet_at_tabe

  5. #65
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Hi Intet

    Yes Zoot is a Zappa fan, any one whose name begins with Z.


    You have a great weekend too, not sure what the weather will be yet.


    Margaret

  6. #66
    Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.) intet_at_tabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marval View Post
    Hi Intet

    Yes Zoot is a Zappa fan, any one whose name begins with Z.


    You have a great weekend too, not sure what the weather will be yet.


    Margaret
    Ms. Margaret

    Here are a few jokes by Frank Zappa for you guys. Frank, who was not a great fan of banjo players:

    What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?

    The chain saw has greater dynamic range.


    What's the least-used sentence in the English language?

    "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"


    There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.


    Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall:

    "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."
    Best regards,
    intet_at_tabe

  7. #67
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Zoot and I like those.


    Margaret

  8. #68
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah.

    He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor.
    The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?"

    The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"

  9. #69
    Vice Admiral Virtuoso methodistgirl's Avatar
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    Now that was funny!
    judy tooley

  10. #70
    Admiral of Fugues Contratrombone64's Avatar
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    LOL @ margaret's bass joke. Here's another: what do you call two double bass players in unison? A miracle.

  11. #71
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    LOL at CT.


    Margaret

  12. #72
    Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.) intet_at_tabe's Avatar
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    Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
    The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
    St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

    The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
    "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

    The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
    "Goodness!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"

    St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
    The man says, "I was a doctor."
    St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
    "I was a school teacher."
    "Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
    "I was a musician."
    "Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen ..."
    Best regards,
    intet_at_tabe

  13. #73
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    That's a good one Intet


    Margaret

  14. #74
    Admiral Maestoso marval's Avatar
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    Son: Mother, I want to grow up and be a rock-n-roll musician.
    Mother: Now son, you have to pick one or the other. You can't do both.

  15. #75
    Rear Admiral Appassionata Muza's Avatar
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    lols Margaret - goood one
    Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass? ~Michael Torke

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